Filosofi Kopi by Dee (Review)

Posted on by joanexlibris

Judul : Filosofi Kopi
Penulis : Dee Lestari
Penyunting : Dhewiberta
Penerbit : PT Bentang Pustaka
Tebal : 142 halaman
RATING : 4/5

Sebagai seorang manusia saya ingin menjadi seperti karya-karya Dee; indah di hati sekaligus mencerahkan isi kepala. Layaknya secangkir kopi, buku ini harus dinikmati dan diresapi perlahan-lahan. Hirup aromanya dalam-dalam layaknya kopi tubruk, nikmati keindahannya layaknya secangkir cappuccino. Jangan tergesa-gesa, jangan terburu-buru. Karya ini terlalu indah untuk dilewatkan sekejap mata.

Jika Anda adalah pembaca setia blog ini, tentu Anda sudah tahu betapa saya sangat mencintai karya-karya Dee. Filosofi Kopi bukanlah perkecualian. Buku ini merupakan kumpulan 11 cerita pendek tentang cinta. Segala macam bentuk cinta dibahas dan dikupas habis secara menyeluruh di sini, mulai dari cinta sepasang insan manusia biasa, cinta terlarang, cinta sesama jenis, cinta persahabatan, sampai cintanya kecoakpun dapat ditemukan.

Gaya penulisah Dee yang cerkas terasa sangat kental dalam buku ini sejak cerpen pertama hingga terakhir. Saya mencintai karya-karya Dee karena gaya bahasanya yang selain nyastra banget juga sangat scientific in a way. Karya-karya Dee adalah bukti kombinasi sempurna intelektualitas dengan kehalusan nilai rasa. Bukti nyata bahwa cinta sesungguhnya juga mengenal logika. Pada diri Dee bersembunyi seorang esais handal yang terselubung dalam rupa seorang juru dongeng.

Cerita pendek favorit saya dari Filosofi Kopi adalah Buddha Bar. Entah mengapa dan entah bagaimana caranya Dee dapat menghadirkan suasana magis namun realistis dalam cerita tersebut. Di urutan nomor dua saya menetapkan pilihan pada cerpen Sikat Gigi, selanjutnya di urutan keempat dan kelima ada Filosofi Kopi, dan Lara Lana. Seluruh kisahnya kaya akan keindahan dan pengetahuan. Membacanya dapat memuaskan jiwa sekaligus memperluas isi kepala. Membuka mindset kita dengan cara menggugah hati kita.

Sekian yang dapat saya jabarkan mengenai salah satu mahakarya Dee Lestari, selebihnya silahkan Anda nikmati sendiri saja.Seduh kopi itu, resapi tiap kata dan keindahannya, kemudian bagikanlah pengalaman luar biasa itu kepada saya dan semua orang pada kolom komentar di bawah ini haha! Selamat membaca!

RATING AKHIR

★★★★☆

It’s Been A Long Way

Posted on by joanexlibris

I don’t know where, or how to start writing this. I have neglect this online journal way too long. My life has been going on like a haphazard dream these past few months. There is this global virus outbreak called the COVID 19 pandemic and I have been forced to stay home for almost four months now. You know how much I hate home, right? So, yeah you can imagine how bad the situation is. I am irritated by everything my family does and says. I am just tired.

Being an adult is just tiring and hard. You have to take control of yourself all the time and be responsible of anything you do. When you miss a little bit and lose control, something will always find a way to be wrong. To be honest, right now I feel like I am being in a pitch dark room. I can’t see the future. Neither the future of the world nor my own future. I feel so done. I don’t want to fight anymore. I don’t know what will happen to all human kinds if we cannot manage to overcome this virus outbreak in one year. It’s been ruining our economy so bad so far I don’t want to see what’s coming next. 2020 was actually full of plans and ambitions. I want to go to Kupang to volunteer this August, but it is cancelled due to this pandemic. I also long to join student exchange to some random foreign countries, some of my friends actually have enrolled and being accepted to the overseas universities, but again, everything is cancelled. Many of my friends also cannot do their internship too. My seniors who graduate this year also have to do the ceremony online. My point is, life sucks for everyone.

I agree with Ver. I want to be a six years old who is eating her breakfast while watching cartoons and has nothing to worry about. Okay, I am actually so confused I don’t know what I want. I mean I sure want to die at my 30s so that I can avoid the pain of growing old and having children (which means more obligations, responsibilities, and the total absence of holiday till the rest of my life.), but on the other hand, I am also afraid with the possibility that I will die before I can do anything that can make my life meaningful. I don’t want to be just like morning dew that evaporates and disappears from the surface of the earth before anyone even ever notices its existence. I want to be like the stars which burns so bright and blinding before it dies.

But, yeah, I have to be responsible of anything I do in the end. Complaining and avoiding it can’t help solving any of my problems. It is just tiring. You know that feeling when you think you have tried your best to do everything, but there are always several things that slipped out of your mind and you ended up having to face it like an adult and endure all the bad consequences like it or not like it. I haven’t work full time yet, but I am already in my final year of uni and I do have part time job, freelances, and internships and I definitely already know how hard it is to stay alive, sane, and carefree among all these. I know adulthood is coming and I cannot escape it any longer I have to prepare myself for everything. Heck, I think I even have to take a tax course already this semester, or maybe next *sigh*.

Anyway, I am still thankful that there is always still some beauty and enjoyment left inside even the darkest period of life. I can access netflix now and I am hooked by Money Heist. I also love Sex Ed so much it’s my comfort series. And I also watch this Korean series for the first time in forever–Hospital Playlist. All the songs are so great I am currently listing to the OST while typing this. All characters in the story are also so mature and wise. I feel both comforted and sad looking at their boring life because I realize that that may become my life too in the future. Okay, I think I have written enough blabbering today. See you when I see you!

BEM 18/19

Posted on by joanexlibris


This year has been unbelievably hectic I wonder how the fuck I survived. I have been through a long, long journey. I have made mistakes, cried, pulled all nighters for several days straight, and learned a LOT of things in less than 12 months time. I have met wonderful people, great minds, and the best leaders I have ever met in my life. Ce Regina and Ce Clarence, if you are somehow reading this, I am very grateful to have such great leaders like you, to have the opportunity to get to know you and learn so many things this year at BEM. I am actually aspired to be like you girls. I want to help people to grow and be a better version of themselves. I also want to fix everything that I have done wrong this year. I know that this paragraph is very poorly written because it is already passed midnight right now and I am very tired from working all day.
I am so tired and scared of what life will bring me in the future. I feel so tired of plotting and planning my life to each details because my life has always been full of plot twists, unexpected events and decisions. There is nothing I can do to stop it. All I can do is trying to accept it as it is and adapt myself to that new plot I never plan to take.
Personally I believe I have grown to be a better person than I was last year through all the process that I have been through this year at BEM. I know there are still hella lots of things to be improved and to be fixed ok I am trying. I promise I will never stop trying. Even if I failed to be the person I always want to be at the end of my life, at least I will die trying not giving up.
Also, my hormonal fluctuation is still weird like usual but now I have been more aware of it than ever so that I can have more power to control my feelings and emotions so that it wont affect my productivity. I also has learned to stop holding things and people that are not meant for me. WHat is meant for me will come to me. I am so sad of losing an opportunity to get to know a person I have always considered as a potential best friend (I mean my first impression to him was very good I am convinced that he is actually one of my people, but I don’t think I have enough time now, I think it’s time to let him go). I was so upset at first, but I think this can be a lesson for me. I shall not waste any opportunities and time anymore. I think I really should tell people I love that I am really grateful they are here for me and also start to tell people I am interested in that I would like to know them better before it is too late. Opportunities doesn’t come twice I should have known that.
Life will still be hectic next semester but whatever is coming I know will survive. I will be doing fine. I will be.

Thank you BEM 18/19 for everything, everything. You have been a part of my history that I will never forget, ever. Ever.

20

Posted on by joanexlibris


I am hella scared. This age finally came. I am not a teenager anymore. Adulting is hard and it becomes more and more real everyday. I don’t know what to write now because I am so sleepy. I have been sleep deprived this week due to finishing RPO and many Uni assignments. I screw up a lot this week and I think this week is the week I cried myself to sleep the most. I haven’t cried since long time ago it feels weird.
Things to be thankful today:
1. Roti goreng hangat
2. Eleanor and Park
3. Camomile Sheet mask
4. I finally can sleep after this

Bye! Hopefully I can learn how to be professional, gather my shits together, and life will get better soon.

What Love and Life Mean to Me?

Posted on by joanexlibris

l just watched my first anime ever. It was Spirited Away by Ghibli production. I feel like I have been underestimating anime too much. Spirited Away was so good! I mean of course its graphic picture is not as good as Disney, but storywise it was wonderful! I really like the characters and plot, imagination and world building, and most importantly the values it contains. I watched this movie at the first place because Flo had recommended it to me since long time ago. Anas also confirmed that it was good and so do those reviews I read online. I also recommend it to all of you by the way!
This movie teach me a lot of things about life. For example, the evil witch takes Chihiro’s name so that she will forget completely about it one day. This is how the witch control her people. She takes their identity until they forget who they really are and then they will work for her for the rest of their lives without questioning anything anymore. I feel like this is what happens in our lives most of the time. The society, people’s expectations, our boring routines, the jobs we hate. All of them take our names and make us forget about our identity. We then keep on working for the evil witch of our lives (boring jobs, living up people’s expectations) for the rest of our lives until at the end of the day we forget who we truly are. I am kinda sad thinking about this. I wonder who my actual name is? Did my evil witch had taken it from me years ago? Given me a new name to believe in? I wonder if I will ever found my truest self anymore. Or what if even my truest self? This train of questions lead me back to the same question over and over again: is it me creating my life or my life that is creating me?
Haku and Chihiro relationship also makes me think about love. This is a taboo topic to me. I don’t talk much about love, and admit that I actually don’t feel comfortable thinking about it. I think Haku and Chihiro loves each other in the best way. They free each other instead of holding each other back. Chihiro freed Haku from Zibaba’s spell and Haku freed Chihiro and her parents from the evil witch’s bath house at the end of the story. They don’t ended up together. Love doesn’t always bring people back together, it is supposed to free people. The make people the best version of themselves. I am not a wiseman and I don’t have any romantic experience so I can’t talk much about this, but here is what I think:
When I was 3 I thought love is a kind of magical power that can make dead girls come back to life. Blame all those Disney Princess stories for this.
When I was 9 I thought love is the kind of feeling I have for my best friend. The feeling of not wanting to be separated. The feeling of belonging to another human being.
When I was 12 I thought love is the kind of feeling when I can’t stop thinking about a gigantic boy sitting next to me in mandarin class.
When I was 14 I thought love is those butterflies in my stomach everytime any guy made an attempt to get my attention in school.
When I was 16 I thought I have found my first love.
when I was 17 my heart broke and I thought that love is unreal, useless
When I was 18 I thought I was already wise enough to know that no one will stay forever so that I have to learn to be alone, but then I let myself to be broken once again. This time it was me who left, but it hurt me the same way anyway.
And now when I was 19, I question everything again and again. Is love means letting myself to break free? Or letting someone else go? Or sacrificing myself for the good of others?
I don’t know and I am too tired to think about this. Good bye! I have to logged out before I have another anxiety attack!

Thank you 2018, next please!

Posted on by joanexlibris

2018 is nearly ended. This year I have had some new experiences that have helped me changed into a better person hopefully. I have learned a lot from slaying Pekan Sadar Politik this year. I learned how to deal with people, to work in team, and most importantly to trust others.
I also feel like I have been more productive during the second half of 2018. I was so active in uni activities and worked hard in most of my classes. I also worked part time as a math tutor since this August so yeah, I am basically satisfied enough with my achievements this year although of course I still hope to achieve more and better.
I want to join more competition and looking for a freelance job. I am really looking forward to being a freelance writer. Any recommendation??

I want to produce more good quality writings like Cania’s

❤

So here are the lessons 2018 has taught me:
1. Opportunity only comes once, do not waste it!
2. Good things don’t come to you by themselves, you have to start looking for them and fight for them and they will show up later
3. Do your job professionally, even when you don’t like it
4. Treat people the way you want to be treated
5. Emotional support is important for a team to be able to work well for a long time
6. Don’t push yourself off your limits. Take a break before you break down into pieces.
7. My immune system is so shitty, I have to start working out next year.
8. It is okay to not know the answers sometimes. Certain things are better left as mysteries
9. It is okay not to be in control all the time
10. Our lives are made up of thousands of little events. Taking small steps by small steps is the best way to walk the journey of life.

2019 Resolutions:
1. Back to exercise. At least once a week! I am planning to go back to my yoga routine like when I was in 11 grade back then.
2. Be healthier! I got sick a lot in 2018 and I want a change. I need to eat healthy food more, limit my junk food and sugar intake, exercise regularly, and have decent sleep everyday.
3. Manage my time better. I have done quite well in semester 3 and I want to improve in 2019.
4. Work as a freelance writer
5. Keep my job as a math tutor
6. Join exchange program and study abroad in semester 5 or 6
7. Join more competitions especially essay, LKTI, and probably one or two debate competition.
8. Start learning about stock and basic econs
9. Finish more non-fiction books (rich dad poor dad, the selfish gene as a start)
10. Pay more attention to my skin! I want to allocate more time and money for my skin care since I have been neglecting it theses past 4 months.
11. Be nicer to my family and friends because I feel bad for them who have to deal with me and my awful habits and absurdities 24/7
12. Having a roadtrip with my friends
13. Learn how to love
14. Allocate time in a week for writing, drawing, learning Adobe Illustrator, and things I truly love.
15. Allocate time each day to read books
16. Start reading the news regularly (every morning if possible)
17. Overthinking less and worry less about my future, focusing more to what I can actually do in present time instead of worrying about the infinite, unpredictable future
18. Make friend with at least 1 Petramate exchange student this semester
19. Learn how to be loved
20. Stop envying other people and comparing myself to my friends. I should learn how to be happy for them and be grateful for what I have at the moment

So, good bye 2018 thank you for everything, next please! 🙂

No Spirit

Posted on by joanexlibris

found this on ce Ory’s story today and this hit me hard

I found answers at the least expect-able moment. Answers to those big things. Big question marks that haunt me day and night since I can remember. And these days these questions have been narrowed into this two big question:
1. What is wrong with me so that I can not be happy?
2. What should I do to save myself from this endless pit of sadness and fear?

And I found the answers today. It is my spirit that I have lost. Almost completely. On the previous story, ce Ory was asked by the grab driver “Have you ever felt so happy and satisfied for accomplishing something simple?” and she answered “Yes, like after I lifted a gallon of water!” This sentence made me stop breathing. Crying silently inside my chest. This is it. This is what I have lost. These days nothing can make me happy or satisfied anymore. when I was in Junior High, little things such as the pretty evening skies or daisies can make me happy already. It makes me feel grateful of life, but now I rarely feel like that anymore. I feel completely numb.
When I was in high school I remember cheering over candy bar and potato crisp Verren bought me from Singapore. I remember I wrote about it here, you still can find it if you dig deep enough through this blog.
Now I have lost that feeling. I can not smile from ear to ear just because somebody buy me a bar of chocolate or even a bouquet of flowers. I don’t know why and since when I have evolved into this kind of human being, but by the time I finally realized this I guess everything is too late already.

Tomorrow I will be back to school, but I will skip my morning class. My stomach still feels weird today even though it is not that bad anymore.

Several days ago, Rachel post some snapgram and the content kinda surprise me.

This is completely normal cel this is how I have spent my life 🙂

So apparently she also has been struggling with her own existential crisis, huh? This is kinda surprising because she was not the kind of person I would expect to be having existential crisis. I mean seriously if it was Cindy or Enha I wouldn’t be surprised, but this is Rachel! She is the kind of girl who always makes other people laugh, shinny, and bubbly, and I didn’t expect her going through a dark phase of her life right now.

No one have it easy I get it, everybody is struggling their own fight. This thought makes me feel better because hey, at least I am not alone.

Note to myself: I will try to appreciate little things again. I will consciously seek for the beauty life has surround me with. Wish me luck!
PS: I stop posting stories to my instagram because there are many of my friends who actually really view my stories and somehow it hinders me from writing something more personal there. I really love this blog it is so deserted and lonely and I lovee it! ❤

Private

Posted on by joanexlibris

I am a very private person and I think this was the actual problem in my life. I hate talking to people and I am not a very good public speaker. I can do public speaking if I have to, but I don’t do it naturally. I have to practice a LOT before doing a presentation until I COULDN’T make mistakes. So, I can overcome this problem in my professional life, but obviously not in my personal life.
I hold grudges and anger inside. I hide love and emotion and desires inside. If you cut open my heart and mind, they will explode with thick, dark, smelly liquid full of hatred and unspoken anger. Fossilized feelings.
The only way for me to pour out my emotions, tears, and blood is actually through writing. That was the first reason why this blog exist at the first place.
But, after being in Uni for almost 1,5 years and after I had had enough papers to write, I also started getting tired of writing and thus abandoning this blog. As a result, I lost my only place to communicate my thoughts and feelings. I stopped pouring emotions into words because it is too, is getting tiring as all of my lecturers already made me do it as my duty. I think this is the only reason why I regret entering my major. I should have taken something that requires me to calculate everyday instead of writing everyday so that I still can find writing as therapeutic instead of stressful.
Okay, so what happened this week?
I got hospitalized because my potassium level dropped drastically to to severe dehydration.
I had a quite hectic mid-term week along with the preparation for Pekan Politik I should take care of. I got too tired but still insisted on going swimming last Sunday. I had stomachache and diarrhea the next day. That evening my muscles, including respiratory muscle got a really bad cramp and tremor. I have never been that scared my whole life. I thought that this is it. Finally it is coming. I am going to die. Well, I know I am going to die anyway but still I never thought that ‘this’ is how it feels. To see your life being cut off suddenly. Well I didn’t die that day ofc or else you won’t see this post. But this whole new experience gave me a brand new thing to be thought over and over again.
What came to my mind at that freaking terrifying moment was that- where will I go after this? Is heaven and hell real? If they do exist, to which one I will go right into?
I am scared of what will come. I am scared of everything in my future. I surround myself with so many successful people I feel myself as a failure. I am scared that I am not good enough. I am scared that one day I will end up only as a mediocre. I am scared that I am not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not graceful enough to be somebody. I am scared I will disappoint myself.
I work hard until I got sick. I work like crazy from down to dusk to avoid thinking about the reality, about my fear, and my future. I work like a horse because I have insecurities and anxiety attacks. My stomach is twitching while writing this. I am scared and I can not relax, I can not lay back. I really need a spiritual help. I really do.

this is me being hospitalized

bonus photo of me and Claire at Grahadi. Friday before I got hospitalized.

Zombie

Posted on by joanexlibris

I am overwhelmed with sadness. I was sick last week so that I couldn’t leave my house for the whole weekend. I am still not feeling 100% okay now and to make it worse I am having a very weird sadness attack. I know maybe this is just because of my hormonal flux like the usual, but sometimes I just wish I didn’t have to cope with this every month. I am tired of being sad. Sad, quiet, and exhausted. It feels like I am a zombie and I didn’t have a life anymore.
A lot of things had happened since the last time I logged into here, but it is impossible to write it all. Too much to catch up and I don’t even have the energy to blabber anymore.
Life has been so hectic, I hope I can control it and don’t get sick often.
Bye!

Persma 2017/2018

Posted on by joanexlibris

This year has been so hectic and crazy, yet it was still a blast. Time flies so fast I can’t believe it’s been a year since I first applied to online reporter department at Pers Mahasiswa. I have always secretly wanted to be an investigative journalist and this is the reason why I decided to join at that time. I have learned a lot of things from this student organization. My socializing skill has improved in an amazing degree. I was way more socially awkward a year ago I guess. Being a reporter I have to face different kinds of people everyday, looking for information from strangers, interviewing important figures such as famous businessmen and politicians. I have to admit that I enjoy doing my job at this department even though sometimes life gets so hectic I can’t breath. I have said it here over and over again like a broken record that I sometimes get so tired of writing. This is the main reason why this blog is being dilapidated for a long time. When I was in high school, writing was my therapeutic escape while now I have it as my main obligation. After hours of cramming in front of my computer typing 3 essays and 2 articles I really don’t feel like logging into here to write my pointless rambles. However I decided not to continue next year because I join University Students Executive Board in Nationalism Department. The real reason why I join this department is mainly because next year my country will be conducting president election and I have concern for my generation’s lacking in political education. I have a lot to say about this but I think I will write it later in a separate entry. Here let me just dedicate this entry for all of my co-workers and friends in Persma 2017/2018 who have been a family for me during this year, my hard first year of uni life lol.

Day 2 Rakhir When People were standing close around the firewood. I’ll never forget this moment tho.

Bang Yer was about to open his present from Persma 2017/2018

my seniors ❤

Day 3 Running Man Games lol

Me and Bang Yer

Rakhir Committee : )

Online Reporter Department : )

PERS MAHASISWA UK PETRA 2017/2018 Thanks for all the moments we have been through together this year!

So yeah I have just finished a beautiful chapter of my life and I am looking forward for more moments and experiences in the future! Thank you Persma 2017/2018!

PS: If you want to read my writings for Persma just click on this link gentapetra