Funny Little Thing Called Life


If I will ever write a book I think that will be the title.I don’t know what is wrong with me but I obviously know that there must be something.I mean,you don’t feel constantly exhausted both physically and mentally right?

I woke up with my head throbbing terribly today.My whole body aches and I can’t think clearly.I know that last night was new year eve but no,I didn’t drink.So this is not a hangover.This is just me being me.Pathetic me.

It seems like I have been in a hangover or an existencial crisis for my whole life.I feel lost and I want to disappear.To vanish into the air.Just like that.

But since I obviously can’t do that I have to act like a grown up and face my life.This is why I got into here from the first place and planned out my 2018 new year resolution.Here we go…

1.Finish Mankiw

2.Publish a work on Wattpad

3.Break once in a debate competition with me fully participating and not just being a burden for my team mates.There is a phrase in Chinese for this 滥竽充数-be there to just fill up the number.

4.Exercise regularly

5.Spend less time on electronic device

6.Eat healthier,reduce my sugar intake

7.Try not to get irritated or angry easily for things I cant even explain

8.Try to forgive my past and deal with them as a part of me and my history.

9.Read more books about travel

Hopefully I will survive this other year and be able to get out of this little funny game called life unscratched,see you next time!


2017 Top 3 Books-No Kidding Only 3!!!

Okay so yeah 31 of December,here it comes the time of the year again when I have to face and lamenting on the facts that another year has again passed but still I haven’t done anything significant yet.Despite the reality that this year is somewhat not a really fantastic nor life-changing one,I am quite satisfied.At least I can accomplish my 2017 reading challenge on goodreads.Last year I set a realistic goal to read 12 books only in 2017 and I completed it today yayy!And because of the small quantity,I decided to only pick the top 3 best books not 5 like I usually do.So,here we go!
1.Eat,Pray,Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

This is the best book I have read this year.Please note that this is based on my personal opinion and highly influenced by my personal life phase condition and belief.

This book is not really poetic nor scientific like most of my other favorite books but I simply love this book because of the story itself is outstanding and mind-blowing and therefore giving me a fresh perspective of life.I love Elizabeth Gilbert,her thoughts and her courage to take initiative.This book really inspires me to continue my life,to take a step ahead and make a difference.

2.Filosofi Kopi by Dee

This book is beautifully written,full of thought provoking short stories about love and life in general.I have written a review for this one on another separate post so please click in this sentence if you want to know more.
3.The Firm by John Grisham

Introducing Grisham as my current favorite author,I highly recommend this title for those who are still not familiar with his works.The Firm with its fast-paced story is engaging the readers from the first page to the end.The story is so thrilling,intelligent,and breath-taking by itself so just enjoy!!

I little guess this will be my last post in 2017,to every readers out there ;thanks for being real nice and supportive until today.I still remember the year I started this blog (2013) I was so depressed and tired and confused.There weren’t many of you yet by that time but over the times joining discussions and reading other people stories(people like me esp) from all over the world give me that feeling of acceptance and hope,hope that maybe someday I can actually find my life purpose and be happy!Happy new year peeps!!

PS: this is my first year without finishing any Jodi Picoult-s!Actually I have started reading Vanishing Acts via ebook since months ago but still never have the chance to finish it hehe.

Filosofi Kopi by Dee (Review)

Judul :Filosofi Kopi
Penulis :Dee Lestari
Penerbit :PT Bentang Pustaka
Tebal :142 halaman

Sebagai seorang manusia saya ingin menjadi seperti karya-karya Dee;indah di hati sekaligus mencerahkan isi kepala.Layaknya secangkir kopi,buku ini harus dinikmati dan diresapi perlahan-lahan.Hirup aromanya dalam-dalam layaknya kopi tubruk,nikmati keindahannya layaknya secangkir cappuccino.Jangan tergesa-gesa,jangan terburu-buru.Karya ini terlalu indah untuk dilewatkan sekejap mata.

Jika Anda adalah pembaca setia blog ini, tentu Anda sudah tahu betapa saya sangat mencintai karya-karya Dee.Filosofi Kopi bukanlah perkecualian.Buku ini merupakan kumpulan 11 cerita pendek tentang cinta.Segala macam bentuk cinta dibahas dan dikupas habis secara menyeluruh di sini,mulai dari cinta sepasang insan manusia biasa,cinta terlarang,cinta sesama jenis,cinta persahabatan,sampai cintanya kecoakpun dapat ditemukan.

Gaya penulisah Dee yang cerkas terasa sangat kental dalam buku ini sejak cerpen pertama hingga terakhir.Saya mencintai karya-karya Dee karena gaya bahasanya yang selain nyastra banget juga sangat scientific in a way.Karya-karya Dee adalah bukti kombinasi sempurna intelektualitas dengan kehalusan nilai rasa.Bukti nyata bahwa cinta sesungguhnya juga mengenal logika.Pada diri Dee bersembunyi seorang esais handal yang terselubung dalam rupa seorang juru dongeng.

Cerita pendek favorit saya dari Filosofi Kopi adalah Buddha Bar.Entah mengapa dan entah bagaimana caranya Dee dapat menghadirkan suasana magis namun realistis dalam cerita tersebut.Di urutan nomor dua saya menetapkan pilihan pada cerpen Sikat Gigi,selanjutnya di urutan keempat dan kelima ada Filosofi Kopi,dan Lara Lana.Seluruh kisahnya kaya akan keindahan dan pengetahuan.Membacanya dapat memuaskan jiwa sekaligus memperluas isi kepala.Membuka mindset kita dengan cara menggugah hati kita.

Sekian yang dapat saya jabarkan mengenai salah satu mahakarya Dee Lestari,selebihnya silahkan Anda nikmati sendiri saja.Seduh kopi itu,resapi tiap kata dan keindahannya,kemudian bagikanlah pengalaman luar biasa itu kepada saya dan semua orang pada kolom komentar di bawah ini haha!Selamat membaca!



Quarter Life Crisis

this is my facial expression 24/7 these days lol

I am basically a zombie.I am just walking around without knowing my direction,souless and attracted to brains.Thats the most exact description of myself in this current situation.I have been enduring crazy hectic schedule these past few months especially last month.People may see me as a productive person and some even directly told me how they envy me for my seemingly endless energy.My recent habit and lifestyle maybe really can lead you to believe the wrong thing.I seem like I am really busy and I know what am I doing,I know what I want and I am now working hard to achieve it.Well but is that what actually happen to me?lol no.Not at all.

I feel like a machine.I feel like I have to keep myself busy to stay sane.I look for every opportunity to keep me busy,to keep me having things to do,to be done,and to be stressed over so that I don’t have to think about my personal internal problem which has been growing larger and larger and larger every single day.It became harder and and harder to forget it,to refuse thinking about it.It keeps on haunting me days and nights.

I am breaking apart and I am falling through my own hole of ‘I dont know what hole is this that keeps on sucking me,my happiness,my life purpose,and finally…energy’

The biggest question is “Who am I in the world?”and “After this what?What should I do with my life?”
No,I don’t know what I want to do with my life like most of my friends may think of.I dying and I am scared.I realize that I dont have all the time in the world.That my time is very limited so that I should use it wisely before I die.

I feel lost
Like really lost I feel like I cant even stress this enough

I did some research to find out whats actually wrong with me and I came out with the result telling me that this is also just a phase and this is normal.They call it The Quarter Life Crisis and every single human being will experience it once in their lifetime,usually during mid 20s.Im 18 going on 19 but yeah whatever I am always a step forward from people in general.In every stages of life.Literary every stages even since when I was still a little baby so no worries.Yeah right no worries.Amen.

Really dunno what to say.Bye!

7 Things To Do Before I Die

Hey there!I have a whole lot of stories to tell you about.So many things had happened during these weeks.Much pressure and of course much burden,very much stress,but also I have gained so many fresh perspectives about life.

I watched a TED talk video last week about how Ric Elias finally realized that life is too short and that things can change very quickly.This is why we should make sure that we dont waste our time doing things we dont even enjoy with people we dont even love.

Then I started thinking about what kind of activity I always want to do before I die but never have the chance until now.I was quite depressed because there are actually so many things waiting in my list.I tried to cut them off and ended up with this :

1.Travel more
Visit more countries,try more food,enjoy living in a completely different culture than the one I usually dwell in.
2.Learn a new language
Surprisingly Russian is on my number 1 top list.And then there are Latin and French bellow.I am always good in language.I love language very much and I have always secretly have that passion to be a polyglot.
3.Learn an instrument
Violin is my number one priority,then guitar and piano on the next list.Oh and ukulele.I never been a musical prodigy at all but idk why i just feel like I want to learn more instruments.
4.Go Skydiving!!!!
No kidding!Since I have read an article in reader digest about a 17 years old girl in Philippines who is obsessed with skydiving,I have always kept it in mind that one day I will give it a try!
5.Join a volunteer work in foreign countries,esp in wild life and natural resources conservation field.
I want to join WWF programme or UNICEF or anything like this before I die.I need to feel life to its fullest potential and find myself,find how i will react under different kind of situations.
6.Master one martial art and self defense skill
Kick boxing and muay thai are in my considerations now.
7.Publish a book and art work
I want to write something about my life or passions or anything to mark by existence on planet earth before I die.That’s all.

Okay so these are mine,what’s yours???

Take me here and I will love you forever!

God Is Good

I have so many things to be grateful about.I know that I have never been somewhat so religious here moreover writing something about blessings and God and religion.

I do respect every religious beliefs including atheism and agnotism and everything in between but personally I am a christian and here I am going to share some of my story about how I feel that God has blessed me abundantly until this very second.I am not a fanatic and I dont think that my belief is the only one that is true.I dont write this to persuade you being a christian or what I just want to share some of my thoughts here.An open minded person always open his/her heart to every opportunities to learn about different sides of the story so I hope that this writing will broaden your mind and increase your understanding about why and how some people can be so faithful and dedicated to their religion.

The introduction may leads you to think that this will be ‘a hard to comprehend’post.A post that contains a lot of quotes,biblical verses,experts’opinion,and ’10 reasons to believe that God exists’ arguments.Lol,chill peeps,chill.This isn’t anything like that,not even a single verse will be mention,I just want to list things to be grateful about this week(to be read again in gloomier days),promise!

So,this week has been so amazing.I am not trying to be ironic here.I know that this week is midterm week and I just got awfully disappointing result for listening.Lol the lecturer is so annoying.I lost almost 12 points just only because I typed 300.000 which is Indonesian writing format instead of the international format (300,000) and since the exam was computer based and the computer couldn’t read indonesian format so yeah bye bye points.

Currently I am enjoying a 3 days break before having basic acting mid term rehearsal this wednesday.Okay I am getting random now so back to topic some great things that just happened during this week are:

1)Last Saturday I went shopping things with Maggie.I was wavering between buying nail polish or korean face mask because both are in the same price.Since I am the most indecisive girl on earth I let Maggie decide for me and I ended up buying 97 Love Affair In Bel Air Nail Lacquer.The color is nude baby pink,soo pretty!!

What’s amazing is that on Sunday my aunt who resides in Singapore had just come and gave me a bag full of korean masks.They are creamy whitening masks and smell so good.I really dont know what to say I just happen to know that it is not just the universe being nice with me but it was one of God’s blessings in my life.I have experienced things like this for so many times in my life.Like when I was 6 years old and I craved cheese lasagna so badly.I didnt tell anyone but I prayed.Then out of sudden a package of hot pippin’ lasagna arrived in our door,sent by a friend of mum (she didnt even understand why).

2)Also on that Saturday I consider buying new earphones because mine has already been so worn out but I didn’t buy because I thought I have spent too much that day.
Yeah and you know what,the next day my mum bought me new pink earphones in a Japanese retail store.We didn’t visit it on purpose and I didn’t even utter a word about needing a new earphone and for your information mum never ever know or want to know about my earphones’s condition.In fact she always hate it when I dont listen to her because I am wearing earphone.So yeah can you imagine how surprised I was.

3)I just went swimming this morning and the weather was so nicee.The water was cool and the sun was shining but not too bright it was just perfect.I cannot swim and still learning by the way.Oh and now I feel so happy and healthy.

4)I feel so safe and happy and secure.I can snug in bed comfortably without worrying about International politics and war and my future or whatever hell I usually think about.

5)It rained for the first time in 3 months this evening and I am so happy because I really love rain!!!!

It is true that my whole life I ever question my belief and the existence of God.I have many reasons and stories to tell you about but may be next time.Now I have reached that point when I already have my faith back.My heart has been crushed and hurt and there was time when I couldn’t trust anyone but now I am in the beginning of a phase where I begin to forgive,to try to believe,and to love life again.

Please,just hope for the best things for me.I am tired being negative and depressed.

PS: 正在听着老鼠爱大米 ❤

Homo Sapiens

I am happy,happy,happy!
I am smiling from ear to ear!
Right now I am sprawled on my bed in the least attractive position possible.Eating sweet cereal right from its box.Life has pissed me off so many times since the last time I got into here.I am tired of being tired and angry of life and thanks God my hormonal fluctuation has been so nice to me these days.I mean yes I have mid-terms and yes I have crazy hectic schedule last week but my current state of mind is happy.Completely happy I cant even believe it.

I am not in love I just dont want you to get me wrong because of that video I attached up there.I just watched that video an hour ago and it makes me think about a lot of things.

About how human beings’ lives are actually so simple and meaningless.I mean look at us!We spend way too much energy to deal with our daily emotions without realizing that we are actually just blindly being driven by our complicated hormonal and nervous systems fluctuation.We are being played by our own body,by our own systems every single day.

In the end we are all just stardust
drifting alone
Looking for something to cling to
In this whole chaotic universe

I have been trying too hard to get everything in order,to be a person people expect me to be.The pressure is hard thankfully.Because then I started to question the truest meaning of freedom and equality of life.Start wondering about my own destiny,my own fate.

Homo sapiens.
that it is.
We are no more than just another species on this planet.Just another living thing.Another living thing with a free soul and a free mind.
We are wired with that special feature with a reason.We are destined to create our own fate instead of just following it.
Yet we are still fated to die,darling
that’s one thing I know for sure.

I am not going to talk more here I just hope that this writing provoke your thoughts to start questioning your existence and making you sure that you deserve a complete freedom to live your life with your own rules without being judge by any other homo sapiens.

because inside,and in the end,we are all the same.

Eat,Pray,and Love

And here is an amazingly accurate story about how we usually feel.

I have been accumulating links and youtube videos here since I don’t know when.Life .has been hectic and tiring as hell this month. Sometimes things went wrong you know,you may not be pleased of it but the only thing you can do is to accept it and be grateful.I want to stay optimistic but it is really hard sometimes.This week I have succeeded the three first days without breaking apart but on Thursday I gave up.Partly maybe because I didn’t get enough sleep the night before and yeah everyone who knows me well know that I can be a real grouch when I didn’t sleep well.I don’t need long hours of night sleep,I can function well without any traces of shitty mood by only sleeping for 4-5 hours as long as there weren’t any nightmares in between.

My biggest problems now is that my dreams scared me.Both,literal dreams and future hopes.I mean,I am scared that I would fail and being the worst thing I have always feared’-well educated,brilliantly promising,and fading out into an indifferent middle-age’Sylvia Plath.I know I am taking a radical life choice now and everybody is questioning my sanity but deep in the core of my heart I know I still have that courage to believe and fight for my dreams.For my own life and freedom although it is against the ordinary system and rules.

I have just read this book Eat,Pray,Love by Elizabeth Gilbert although I have watched the movie when I was in sophomore year.The book is so much more awesome than the movie of course just like the usual.Liz has put that fire back in my soul.She gives me courage and hope to fight for my own freedom in life regardless of how society may think about it.This book,indeed,has inspired billions strong,carefree,young women out there,who are all still fighting to believe that their rights to decide what to do with their own lives are absolutely legitimate.

So last but not least,I want to put my self-mantra nowadays here-To succeed in life you need 3 things:a wishbone,a backbone,and a funny bone! which in other words means To succeed in life you need 3 things: ambition,courage,and a sense of humour!That’s why I decided to cheer up and learn more about life and everything everything as I go along with it ❤

PS:if i really only have 12 years of true freedom in my life i definitely have to spend it wisely.i dont want to be stucked doing things i dont want to just because they expect me so.bye.i'm so done yeah.

Question Everything


Have you heard it before?The Flat Earth Hypothesis?Reaching this point in life where I find myself cannot believe anything anymore (not even myself),I guess this is actually the worst time to find this theory.I came across a video by Geotimes Indonesia a few days ago about an interview session with The Flat Earth Society Indonesia and since then I cant help but feeling curious about this.I have watched a lot of videos about this,including videos that defend The Round Earth Theory and to be completely honest that first video I attached above is quite satisfying for my ego, somehow (I cant deny this)-I still cant believe I might have been wrong so far.What is actually important for me is not whether the earth is actually round or flat but the realization that I might have been believing the wrong thing in my whole life without even ever questioned its credibility before this.This realization led me to another thought.I suddenly realized that everything I have ever believed in my life as truths are actually just what I was told to be the truths.The right things are what my teachers and my parents and the society told as the right things.

So what is truth anyway?It is the reality,the fact,something that is not made by any assumptions.But problem is how can we know what the reality is if we were not the one who witnessed it?If we,in fact,never have the chance to proof something by our own freaking eyes?(in this case,well,not all of us ever had the chance to go to space and see the shape of the earth).And,ugh,can you even trust your eyes anymore?Our eyes are made of hundreds of light receptors and what we see is actually what our brain interprets from those light receptors’ inputs.If something when wrong with your light receptors,you will see a complete different picture.If you have acute colorblind from when you were born and no one ever told you about that,you will spend your life believing that the world is just black and white.So if this is the case,is it wrong for someone to say that you were wrong?That the world is actually colorful and you are abnormal?

That analogy above,I think is suitable to be compared to our point of views too.Every single human being has different ways of thinking.I am not sure if this has something to do with the neural pathways but I am pretty sure that just because someone says the world is just black and white means he/she is wrong because he/she has a valid reason to believe it.Just because the majority can see different spectrums of light it doesnt mean they are the one who right.How if God actually created the first human beings as colorblinds and we are all just products of mutation over the time?Ha!what are you going to say now,normal sighted people?It is true the world is black and white if you see it from the colorlind’s perspective.So why do you think you can justify yourself to say that somebody’s way of thinking is wrong?If a group of people’s beliefs or ideologies are wrong?To say that some people who live with a different lifestyle are abnormal???Just because they are different from the majority is that mean they are wrong??

I am sorry I know that I have shifted so far far away from my first topic about science hehe but this is how my brain works.It jumps from scientific analysis to politics then to poetry and then international security and everything you can thing of,just name it.Ha.So,back to Flat Earth Theory,tbh I am still not convinced.I still think that the evidences for Round Earth Theory are just stronger.I mean my logic says that the arguments for Round Earth Theory are more acceptable,logically acceptable.But still in science its true that we have to be sceptical and open for any possibilities because this is how science grows right?I am not completely against it tho some of the arguments also make sense to me but I am not just convinced enough.Plus again at this point I also wonder if my mind has been crafted by the education I have endured this long so that I cant be convinced easily about anything against that so to be called “basic science” I have been told before?I dont know.Like I have said before,and this time maybe it already sounds like a broken record to you all-I Question Everything.

I want to go to bed now.Maybe back tomorrow with recent life updates!See ya! ❤

PS:the second vid says that NASA and ISS might have lied and covered the truth from us about science .I dont think this makes sense.I mean why should they lie about the shape of the earth?seriously whats the benefit for them???

The Do Something Law

This week has been pathetically hectic and yesterday was the craziest.I cant deny that I have been learning a lot of things these past few weeks.I have to solve my own freaking problems and it surprised me that I actually dont know some basic simple things in life.For example,last week I found myself struggling to open a canned food.I felt stupid because how come I have been living my life for a whole 18 years without knowing how to open a canned food!!
Well I actually have so many stories I can ramble about them for a whole 10 pages but I guess I am just not in the mood of repeating and recalling memories of a tiring week which has just past *thanks God.Some significant events that happened are :
1.I decided to join the university magazine as online reporter and I have done several interviews with one more to go this Monday
2.I learn how to be organised for the first time in my life.Not only managing my time but also my money because living by yourself acquires you to know how to spend your income wisely.Uni has me to buy books and expensive ditionaries ugh
3.A lecturer of mine gave us a welcome speech and I think I will never forget her words forever.She said things that all make sense to me and have been proofed to be so true and useful for me.She told us that being an adult means being responsible of things that we did,on purpose or not on purpose.Most of the time,problems occurs unpurposefully.We never mean to forget things ungracefully,we never mean to leave our keys at home or not doing an assignment we didnt even know was given.We never purposefully putting ourselves in mortifying situations but life sometimes does put us there.And what should we do if we have been in that situation?Do something.That’s the basic rule.Dont just wait for life to pass unless you will end up feeling bad for yourself.Even when you dont have any idea what to do or when you feel like your attemps are so pathetic and unhelpful,just do something about it to make yourself feel good.To make yourself know that at least you have tried.That at least you didnt just give up and wait for the universe to flow.The universe doesnt just revolve around you.It’s about everybody else but it is you who is responsible with your own life.You dont like your salary?You dont like your apartment?You dont like your family?You loathe your job and your friends?Well,thats your fault.You are the one who can change everything and no one else is in charge for it.
4.If I have actually learnt something besides graphing parabola from highschool ,it must be this : Don’t expect too high unless you will be dissappointed more.Dont aim to be the best in doing anything.Just aim to do everything better than you have before.In other words-be realistic and dont you ever compare yourself to others.
5.Learn to be alone because no one will stay forever.Uni lyfe is highly solitary.You do everything by yourself.You dont have classmates.They keep on changing in every subjects you enroll and since I am suck in remembering people this makes it even worse but because I have always been alone my whole life so there isnt any remarkable loneliness.
PS:Just visited Kat’s page before logging in here and I am so happy she is back into blogging againn!
PPS: A song she attached there on a page “Wasn’t Expecting That”is soo good I cant stop listening to it even now Im still listening to it while typing this.

Looking forward for another beautiful week.I hope I will survive everything and enjoying every moment possible in my academic school life period because I know this will not last forever and time flies so fast I want to cry.At this very moment I am trying very hard to gather myself to get up and doing something useful instead of lamenting the facts that I cant revisit my history and memories,repairing every damages and heartaches in every wrong turns I have faced before.

Uhm okay so before Im getting too melancholic and annoying I decided that I have to stop here today.See ya next time!Laf ya always!

resharing this from Kat’s blog cause it is sooo lovely to listen to seriously I cant stop ❤