New Year Eve

* I’m obsessed with homemade butter popcorn these days,and apple cigar.I don’t know,I have an idea that maybe I suffered obsessive compulsive,I can’t be normal when I love or simply hate something.
** The ADE stands for LEMONADE

Well here is the good news:Today is a hectic day.I have been out all the morning,shopping new clothes and dresses,making this video during the afternoon,and watching Snoopy movie with my dad all the evening and yeah scrolling on my goodreads all night,lamenting on the fact that I don’t achieve my challenge this year.My target is finishing 55 books this year but guess what?I only read 22 books.Cool.What a bad,bad,book blogger I am.But I don’t accept the statistic without defense,I have finished Campbell (all 3 series) and being half way through Sherwood.And trust me,those books should be counted for 10 each haha.If only you could understand how real the struggle is *sigh.Well,well so what am I doing right now?Rattling randomness again?As usual?At least,this time,I have promise myself not to be so depressing,a compensation for my last post which was written during my hardest time of the year.Yeah,I’m just recovering from a deepsadness.

Okay,so,THANKS FOR BEING MY LOYAL READER FOR ALMOST 2 YEARS!!I just realize that the trafic is getting heavier and heavier but in return my post is getting more depressing and shittier.I’m just so so sorry.I always just type furiously over my keyboard when I was mad or sad or angry and then just after I hit the ‘Publish’ button it always feels like the heaviest burden of my life being lift up from my shoulder.I don’t know why,I just find writing so therapeutic.I will have posts marathon.After this post,I will rate this year best books I have rate just as last year.

And so here I just want to write down my 2016 RESOLUTIONS and let us just hope,by publicizing my hopes,I can get more motivated and feeling more responsible to make it happen and yeah wtv let’s start it over…

1.Detox negative people from my life.Find someone who makes me laugh more,not stress more.
2.Live a healthy life.Eat more vegetables and homemade meals more often.Eat fruits.
3.Get some exercise for your body.Move your lazy ass from my bed and go swimming!
4.Spend less time in laptop,phone,and books.I know this sounds like a contradiction since I’m a book blogger but well I should like really keep my eyes healthy.(To be completely honest I even have broken this resolution today.I read book,watch movie,blogging,editing video,and staring on my phone for hours,I should like really find a self discipline to accomplish this)
5.Eat more carrots and vitamin A
6.Study harder esp on my major subjects and yeah ofc bio
7.Do my best in everything
8.Be thankful for everything
9.Learning baduk and origami ( uh-oh,u sure Jo?)
10.Be more religious.Pray more.I want my faith back.
11.Have more self-esteem.Be a better person.

I don’t know that’s all for this year.By the way do you want to know my opinion on New Year’s resolutions?I think that we are taught to assume that we will live forever.We are taught to set our alarm clock every night before we go to bed although we don’t know if we will get up alive the next day or not,we are taught to set goals,to study hard to gain a better future,to set resolutions to be a better person in the following year.We are assuming that we will live long enough to accomplish all of those things.How if it is being cut off half way?Last year,there was an airplane crush in my hometown.A flight from Surabaya to Singapore.Two friends of mine had their families flying in it.A great loss in just an hour.Their lives were being cut off.But they can handle this though.They are tough,I don’t even know how can they get through all of this but yeah this is life.I think actually the most important thing that should have been taught in schools is: how do we handle loss?Failure?Change?Or shortly -how do we handle reality??I bet my bottom dollar trigonometry has nothing to deal with this.Hah okay I’m always overthinking,I wish you a happy new year!

Another Day

It hurts like heck I swear.
I have never imagined it to feel this bad.To feel this hurt.I’ve been off out of here for days and I’m sorry.Life is simply getting harder and harder.There are things that I can’t write publicly here but still I have got to tell you that life isn’t getting easier for me.Christmas is near already but there isn’t any Christmas vibes here.Just for your information,I live in a city lacking of Christmas atmosphere my whole life and worse than that-I live in a house without a Christmas tree.Mum usually still put up some Christmas decorations and mistletoe on our front doors
but I don’t even know why this tradition faded out and this year there isn’t any single Christmas mistletoe in our house.But obviously it’s not what makes me feel like a total loser today.

dawn

I was born 100% melancholic so my daily mood is basically mellow but today it has gotten even worst.Last night I cried myself to sleep.And this morning I woke up really early and decided not to come out from the room immediately.I rolled over on my bed,covering myself with my thick duvet,and sinking into my pillow with the hope that maybe drowsiness will drive me right into unconsciousness again,but did that actually happen to me?Haha No.

True dat

True dat

I never really have problem with insomnia but last night I couldn’t fell into one of those nonsense dreams.And I do have vivid dreams these days tho.They are all horrible and made me have to gasp for air and catch my breath after woke up unintentionally in the middle of the night with my pjs sticking on my sweating body.I’m tired of nightmares but then isn’t it even worse when you finally wake up and find yourself already inside something scarier than that?I call it reality.

I love The Smith’s song Asleep as soon as I listened more carefully to it and pay attention to the lyrics.There is a phrase that goes like this

Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
And then leave me alone
Don’t try to wake me in the morning
Cause I will be gone
Don’t feel bad for me
I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart
I feel so glad to go…

It just feels so relatable.God knows how I always secretly hope before I go to bed every night that once when I got up I wasn’t in this chaotic world anymore.I hope that one day I will get up and just find myself being in a marooned island with beautiful lilac sky and yeah a paradise to live in.Or maybe you know,if only I could set back the time,turning back into emptiness.I just,I don’t know what I really what.everything here terrifies me.I’m scared of my future,I secretly still keep that hope to get a scholarship for college,I manage to escape as soon as I finished school to volunteer in God knows where ( I can’t tell you here in case somebody who knows me in real life read this),I’m scared of the next semester,I’m terrified of losing someone I really love once more,trust me ,I have told you above,IT HURTS LIKE HECK.In short,I feel INSECURE.

Processed with VSCOcam with t1 preset

Processed with VSCOcam with t1 preset

I make homemade buttered popcorn and hot chocolate and having movies marathons yesterday evening.And even that cosy thing doesn’t help me a lot right now.Maybe I should like really get my brain something complicated to think on,a copy of Agatha Christie or Murakami will be good tbh but the problem is I still cant get off my butt to the nearest bookshop available.

Here is a video I have wanted to post for I don’t know how long *too much procrastination you know why

This video is so true.After watching this I’m sure that Katina is a total sentimental and genius videographer of this era.

PS: I also tried to learn Baduk this afternoon.It’s a chess-like game,originated from Korea.
PPS: This should have been written in my private mail box addressed to myself I don’t even know how I can get here

The Tenth Circle-Jodie Piccoult

 

the tenth circle

“All teenagers knew this was true. The process of growing up was nothing more than figuring out what doors hadn’t yet been slammed in your face. For years, parents tell you that you can be anything, have anything, do anything. That was why she’d been so eager to grow up-until she got to adolescence and hit a big fat wall ofreality. As it turned out, she couldn’t have anything she wanted. You didn’t get to be pretty or smart or popular just because you wanted it. You didn’t control your own destiny, you were too busy trying to fit in.”
― Jodi Picoult, The Tenth Circle

A 14 years old Trixie Stone life changed suddenly after she was rapped by her ex-boyfriend,Jason Underhill.His father,Daniel Stone who spent his whole childhood as the only white child in Akiak,Alaska tried to do anything to protect her while her mother,Laura who is a well-known lecturer was trying to get rid off her own betrayal towards her family.Laura had an affair with her own student and was just about to end it when she realized that everything was too late.When one morning Jason was found murdered and Trixie became suspected,everything was getting more and more complicated.

I read this book long time ago.Around September if I’m not mistaken.This book has left a great impact in my point of view about life.The Plain Truth is the first Joddie’s novel I read and it didn’t have something to yell about.I was starting to avoid Joddie Picoult since then.But when I found My Sister Keeper I decided to read it because I have watched the film which is soo good.My Sister Keeper is a total awe,so much tragedy,and it embraces the reality well.In short I love that bad so when I found this book one afternoon during my holly ‘library-scanning’ time,without another thinking I grabbed and borrowed it.And I don’t regret it though.

This book sums up a broken family’s problems and is really well-written.Joddie built characters with their different life histories and shows how they impact characters’ decision makings in further life.Joddie emphasized how it feels to be betrayed by your partner,how surprising it is to find out that your own daughter is not that innocent girl anymore,and to feel that you have been failed in doing what is your responsibility and it is a dead end you are too late to do anything.The plot is okay although it’s not that one that mesmerizes you after finished reading it.The problem itself is not really complicated but isn’t that what always happens in our life?People make simple problems become even more complicated than it actually is.I could predict the ending correctly but it was still enjoyable.

Why you should like this book:

The characters are well built,the climax is breath-taking and for sure will make you think about how fragile,cliche yet complicated life is.The conflict will make you cry like a baby.So touching.So emotional and witty.(Or maybe it’s just me and my bipolar emotion?)

Why you shouldn’t like this book:

You don’t like realistic stories or families problems.You don’t like the gray area Joddie always creates or novel is simply not your thing maybe?I don’t know but for sure after finishing this novel I’m officially have become Joddie fan.I should have sent her a fan mail with rainbows and unicorn borders on a perfumed letter paper ahaha.

“Add love and the border between right and wrong will disappears.”

FINAL RATING

★★★★☆