Persma 2017/2018

This year has been so hectic and crazy, yet it was still a blast. Time flies so fast I can’t believe it’s been a year since I first applied to online reporter department at Pers Mahasiswa. I have always secretly wanted to be an investigative journalist and this is the reason why I decided to join at that time. I have learned a lot of things from this student organization. My socializing skill has improved in an amazing degree. I was way more socially awkward a year ago I guess. Being a reporter I have to face different kinds of people everyday, looking for information from strangers, interviewing important figures such as famous businessmen and politicians. I have to admit that I enjoy doing my job at this department even though sometimes life gets so hectic I can’t breath. I have said it here over and over again like a broken record that I sometimes get so tired of writing. This is the main reason why this blog is being dilapidated for a long time. When I was in high school, writing was my therapeutic escape while now I have it as my main obligation. After hours of cramming in front of my computer typing 3 essays and 2 articles I really don’t feel like logging into here to write my pointless rambles. However I decided not to continue next year because I join University Students Executive Board in Nationalism Department. The real reason why I join this department is mainly because next year my country will be conducting president election and I have concern for my generation’s lacking in political education. I have a lot to say about this but I think I will write it later in a separate entry. Here let me just dedicate this entry for all of my co-workers and friends in Persma 2017/2018 who have been a family for me during this year, my hard first year of uni life lol.

Day 2 Rakhir When People were standing close around the firewood. I’ll never forget this moment tho.

Bang Yer was about to open his present from Persma 2017/2018

my seniors ❤

Day 3 Running Man Games lol

Me and Bang Yer

Rakhir Committee : )

Online Reporter Department : )

PERS MAHASISWA UK PETRA 2017/2018 Thanks for all the moments we have been through together this year!

So yeah I have just finished a beautiful chapter of my life and I am looking forward for more moments and experiences in the future! Thank you Persma 2017/2018!

PS: If you want to read my writings for Persma just click on this link gentapetra

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End Of Existential Crisis- When Will It Come?

I feel like I am living in the middle of crisis almost my whole life. I always have to cope with anxiety I am really used to it anxiety is my friend. I am really tired of dealing with anxiety and depression. I swear being anxious and depressed drains all of my positive energy I could have saved for doinmg something bigger and more useful in my life. I don’t get it why I can’t be an optimistic person, always full of positive energy, a sunshine that radiates life to everyone everyday. I wonder if personality traits are actually totally genetics. Like you are born with it and you cannot change it no matter how, just the way you cannot change your skin color. I also wonder, how long will I have to deal with this? I am so so so exhausted of being negative. I want to change but I don’t know how to. Somebody please help me.

I just recovered from a really bad cold today. Last week actually was a super long holiday because of Idul Fitri but I couldn’t enjoy it at all. I was so sick I couldn’t even leave my bed. My head ached, my nose was so runny I ran out of tissue so easily I probably had cut down a whole forest hiks. This sickness makes me grateful for the good health I have everyday though.
I am currently struggling with some crazy stuffs that give me headaches days and nights. Anxiety eats me daily and I am scared as heck about all of the uncertainty I have in my life. My life feels like a crazy abnormal gamble full of impulsive decisions. I am scared but I don’t know how to make this better. I have been highly unproductive this semester. My grades are also not as good as last semester anymore I think, I don’t know. I wonder if I actually suffer a mental illness such as bipolar or borderline disorder. I mean people with bipolar disorder usually experience two phase in life the manic and depressed one? I think my life has been a constant pendulum of highly productive period (like last semester) followed by the most unproductive one (like this semester). But I ever take a test once and the result is negative. I don’t know I just wonder.

I mean peeps, I am totally fine I am not suicidal but I am always miserable that’s it. I want to find the truest inner peace but it seems like I have been looking for it since forever but never found. Never actually felt satisfied.

Okay so let’s just hope for the best! I hope this long crisis will end soon and I will see brighter days ahead! Bye!

this was taken a week ago lol i mean look at the contrast of the smiley emoji and my actual facial expression

Crazy Life

A LOT OF THINGS HAD HAPPENED.

The day after I logged in here (Saturday, May 12th 2018) there was churches bombing in my city. I live in Surabaya for those who are wondering. I went to Church that morning like what I usually do for these 19 years of life. The entrance door was closed. There wasn’t any sign there explaining what’s happening. I then just wandering outside like an idiot until a man came and told me,” No service today. Bombing everywhere this morning, right?” I never opened my phone or watched the news on Sunday Morning so obviously my mind went blank at that moment. I hadn’t heard it yet-the news about the bombing and everything.

What was actually happening here? No one knows. It can be just pure terrorism where a group of people with extreme radical belief actually want to kill themselves altogether with the-kafir (this is what they call people who have different belief from them) so that they can be accepted in heaven or kind of. Or it can actually be caused by several political reasons. The next presidential election is next year and bad shocking things usually happen before elections here in my country lol. There are HELLA LOT of speculations going on the media but I don’t give a fuck anymore. I feel like the older I get the more apathetic I become. I remember when I was still in the elementary school I read the news every single day and I watch the news on TV every night too! But now? LOL just keep the news headlines away from me they give me constant headaches and my stomach twitches every time I turn on the news on TV. The news scare me. They give me nosebleed!

We have been dwelling in a climate of fear for the whole week. Last Monday our Uni decided to dismiss class earlier since there was another bombing in a nearby police station at 8 AM that morning. I remember going to the computer lab trying to print out some of my paperwork while all of the staffs there were staring at the TV screen playing the video of the bombing happened few minutes ago in the same area with our campus building. For my whole freaking weird life living in this country, never once I experienced such terror. I was not afraid but I was very angry. I couldn’t have my reading class because of this bombing and this is not the first time in my life I feel my rights are being violated and I can do nothing about it. The atmosphere was suffocating. everybody was scared. I and a group of friends actually had already planned a birthday surprise for a friend who had just celebrated birthday few days before. The planned failed because a lot of my friends didn’t come to campus that day and because the ones who were in campus were to terrified to cross the street to buy the cake at the bakery. Once again I was VERY ANGRY. Nobody wants to live in this climate of fear, nobpdy but you can’t change things that already happened.

The 2 next day I attended a very amazing seminar. Seven famous politicians were invited to that seminar and it was so damn good. I lovee it. I skipped grammar and poetry but no regrets.

And then on Saturday here came the craziest news ever…

All of you must have known how much I love Dee as an author, about how much I lovee Supernova series. And this Saturday I am going to spend the whole weekend with her learning about creative writing!!! I am dying!!!!
So there was this announcement about workshop with Dee. We have to submit a short story and 10 chosen participant can join the workshop. I didn’t expect I can get in since I was in a hurry and not in the mood of writing when I finished my story but wtheck I AM SCREAMING.

You probably has heard this from my last post that my life has been so CRAZILY CRAZY these past weeks. I don’t what to feel. I don’t know if I should be happy or sad or angry. I just don’t know.

There is still a lot of thing I want to share here but I still have to finish an essay deadline and I am running out of time so byeee!!!!

I Am A Mess

I am a hurricane. I am a thunder. I am a big mess. I am a chaotic universe full of misery.

DON’T CRINGE HAHAH

There are a lot of things had happened since my last time writing here. My life in general has been so hectic and so chaotic. I have just been recovered from a quite severe mental broke down. Okay so here is my messed up life updates:
1. I am broke. My bank account is currently not in its best condition since I cannot teach a lot this semester due to my awful schedule.
2. I have to be careful with my grades. They are still A but not as good as I had in my last semester. Also I need to practice more for my writing class because the lecturer is a freaking perfectionist.
3. I need to mend my social life. These days I have this tendency to avoid any human beings. I locked myself up somewhere where nobody can find me. I feel like I don’t give a fuck anymore. I know this is very wrong. I mean I don’t want to grow up sad, broke, mean, indignant, and alone.
4. My love life is in its craziest phase ever. My whole I have never been in this situation. I broke ‘several hearts’ in less than 6 months time. this is crazy, like really crazy. Being a heart breaker is no fun at all, in fact you even also feel the same pain like when you are the one whose heart is broken. It is very pitiful when you see a guy crying or avoiding your eyes because his are full of hurt and disappointment.I feel like I can not breath and I feel so sorry but I cannot do anything to make him feel better.
5. My hormonal fluctuation is already getting better this week but still I have to be careful because last week during my period I was a HUGE piece of shit.
6. I was asked to be a photo model! Can you believe it?! Yes, my life is so crazy I can’t even understand. So there was this committee group I joined. The committee was looking for sponsorship for an event and then came this photographer saying that he was looking for models for his career porto. He chose 5 of the committee members and I am one of those chosen 5 can you EVEN BELIEVE THIS? I mean you all must have known how suck I am at taking photo. I have a very rigid and awkward body posture, especially when I am conscious that there is a camera right in front of me. All of my ‘worthy to post’ photos in instagram are mostly candid so yeaah you get what I mean right?

What happened next is that I feel extremely sorry for the photographer because everybody can tell that he was so frustrated in taking pictures of me. I spent the whole day wandering and posing around under the fucking bright-shinning sun. I feel like my whole body was melting and my soul was dying slowly, turning into smoke.

Oh but then after the photo-shoot I had a very very very nice birthday dinner with some very very very good companions. I met some seniors from our uni’s English Debate Society and they are all so fun and kind and super smart! I feel so belonged and comfortable I don’t know why. My orders were BBQ Baked Chicken and a cappucinno if you are wondering. Both tasted good.

Plus, if I want to look at the bright side, I think my being chosen as a photo model is a proof that nothing is impossible to happen in my life. I mean if 2 months ago somebody told me I was going to be a photo model I would have laughed so hard at it. So yeah if today I can be a photo model, I also can travel the world and go to Mars one day! Don’t laugh at me, I probably will be proven right one day.

7. I haven’t got any proper sleep this week because I have some essays and assignments deadlines. Last night by this time I was typing furiously over my keyboards finishing my Filsafat Agama transcript. The deadline was 12 AM yesterday.

8. I haven’t studied for Chinese exam next week. I also have morning make up class for Writing 1 this Monday arggghh.

9. I have to cut off my sugar and caffeine intake but it is very hard especially in this phase of life. Help me oh helpp. I am so tired of writing so let’s just let the pictures do the talking…

The old and new avengers lol

PS: Gotta go cook some ramen noodle because I am starving.

Life in A Nutshell

Life is so hectic nowadays and my crazy bipolar mood swing doesn’t help me going through it.I don’t know why my hormone fluctuation is unstable like this.For one day I can be very clingy and looking for attention from other human beings.I feel like I want to be touched and loved,I want people to hug me and kiss the nape of my neck,my forehead,the tip of my nose.But then the next day I can suddenly be very hateful and resentful.I feel very angry when people touch me,even the very slightest one.I then decided that the best way to solve this problem is to avoid people.I isolate myself in the corner of the library where nobody can find me.I try my best to ignore the overwhelming urged to be touched by other people whenever my body suddenly turns into that ‘clingy mode’.I have created that term by myself lol.What makes me feel grateful is that I am aware of these things happening to me!Just imagine how if I am not aware that my hormonal fluctuation is trying to play me?How if I am just blindly driven by this emotional pendulum?I think I will be one of those typical teenage girls who can’t control their emotions,who are very problematic because their common sense can’t hold back their body’s hormonal changes.

I also having a bad time curing quite severe acne problem like the one I ever had back in high school.I am dependent on my dermatologist prescripted cream again now.This acne problem reminds me of that period of life back in high school.Do you remember how during my first year in high school I was suffering a very very bad bipolar mood swing?The difference is,now I am AWARE of what is happening with my body.I am aware that I am being sad because of my hormone and not because I am mentally retarded (or,am I?) or because my life is bad.Back then in high school I didn’t realize this so that I feel so depressed.I let myself fell in love then out of love in a very brief period of time,I let my heart being broken and healed just like that.(What is heart by the way?Isn’t it just another bad feelings signals our brain produces in response of hormonal change?).Oh gosh,how I loathe hormones!If I am not studying literature I probably will dedicate my life to study hormones and their impacts to our emotion.

Alright,by this point you may wonder what the purpose of this writing is.The answer is-there isn’t any particular purpose at all.I just want to release everything inside my brains.All the things I didn’t say,I wrote it.Uni has been quite hectic.For my whole life I never imagine that one day I can ever be tired of writing and reading!!!But it is happening now.I suddenly feel like reading and writing is so hard because it is an obligation for me!I have an essay deadline on Monday and the lecturer just told us this evening duh.And since I am in the uni newspaper,I also should catch my deadlines to writing headlines.I am tired of writing endless first drafts and final drafts for writing class and then ended up with a B+ instead of an A despite my hard work.But I still have to prepare my final draft for this Tuesday’s midterm.I am tired of reading books they obliged us to read.Currently I am still struggling with I Don’t Have Enough Faith to Be An Atheist.I have to read it because if I don’t,I cant answer the quiz.This evening I also just finished my first Shakespeare-Othello,The Moor of Venice.Don’t judge me wrong,I am not saying that those readings are bad or awful,they are indeed amazing and interesting to read.I just regret it that I have to read them under-pressure instead of enjoying them as arts and brain snacks!I often don’t get enough sleep to catch my reading.

After logging out from here I have to study linguistic because midterm is next week and I haven’t study anything yet and let’s just say I had skipped two lectures due to my crazy activities.The material is also so much and not-that-easy to comprehend.So yeah I have to study.But really I love reading class with Mr Todd mainly because the selections he gives to us are always mind-blowing!The stories are so amazing they have changed my perspective,all of the stories I have read in this class,together with all other crazy experiences I have had since I entered uni have changed me a lot.When I was in high school,I remember exactly last year I still thought that I was a very open-minded person,that I was superior to my friends because of my knowledge about life and because of my open-mindedness.But now,at this moment,I feel like I actually know nothing about anything.I know nothing about people and the world and life and God.I was just a foolish high schooler who think too high of herself last year.It feels so funny how the older I get the more I feel like I don’t know anything.

My mind has been blown,and when it is blown it is open.And when it is open it will understand that an open minded person will never feel that they are open minded.Because if I do feel I am already open minded I will stop opening my mind to those infinite possibilities out there that don’t fit my standard of ‘open-mindedness’ and by doing so,indeed I am already being the same with the closed minded people I usually mock.

This is getting confusing and I am already tired.Just please pray for me so that I can escape this life in a nutshell.I am bored of living in my crazy hormonal fluctuation,daily hectic but boring uni lyfe,and my close-mindedness.I don’t want to live this way anymore.I need changes.I need a miracle.

PS: watched that video last week and it is so inspiring.

Counting The Blessings

http://time.com/5134647/ice-skating-couples-winter-olympics-2018/?utm_campaign=time&utm_source=line_app&utm_medium=social

This week,has been ridiculously hectic.I don’t get it why uni lyfe is extreme,it is either you have nothing at all to do or you have a bajillion things to finish in a very short period of time there is no in between.And then you ended up feeling highly overwhelmed.

This is what happened this week:

1)I skipped 3 lectures in a row but it was worth the experience I get.So,I spontaneously decided to join a debate competition at the very last minutes before the competition takes place.It will be a long story to tell you everything but we finally ended up bringing home a gigantic trophy.I know I am still-by any definition-a newbie who stuttered a LOT and messing things up all the way long but at least I still feel happy.I am happy because at least I have made a small first step in this ‘debating world’ I have never been involved before.I can’t deny that every time after I join a competition,I will feel smarter and better than I was before.I believe that intelligence has to be acquired through a long process of learning.This is why,I never stop.This is why,I keep on fighting,keep on going.
I have promised myself to practice,practice,and doing better in the future.I want to embrace all the best traits of myself and make the most of me.

2)This morning I went out of town with some commitee members to survey several hotels and villas for end of year meeting.And we had a hella lot of fun.It rained a lot but still okayy thoo.I believe that little things happened at the least expected moments are the one that will actually become a memory in the future.

3)Tasya finally gave born 2 days ago!A baby girl!!!!WELCOME TO THE WORLD ALISHA!!!!
I have to admit that at first it feels kinda weird to know that my very first best friend on earth has been a mother.The day I found out you were pregnant,darling if you are somehow reading this,I felt a little bit shock because hell yeahhh you didn’t tell me before lol!You never even mention anything about having having a baby hahaha.But then after I finally recover from my short-period shock,I started feeling very very excited for you.I am always happy whenever you are happy and I had always know that you really really really love babies!I even wonder why I was shock at first!As your oldest best buddy I should have known this and never question any decision you make in life.I support you,fully,and wholly with my heart ❤

And now after the baby is finally here,I feel so awesome.I feel like well,when I still haven't done anything significant yet with my life,there you are syaa already being a mother for a cute little creature and a wife for a loving husband.I can't deny that -yes,I do feel this so strange.I can't comprehend this 100% but again this is life and the best that we can do is just letting it go the way it wants.

I still remember the day we were just little kids,begging for candies and playing dolls.I still remember the day we entered elementary and everything everything and yet now you are already a mother and it is you daughter who is going to beg for candies to us later.OMG OMGG I can't help I feel so happy,so strange,and so WEIRDLY EXCITED.

This event also provokes my brain to overthink more.I think about how I have been living in this planet for 19 years and still haven't done anything useful yet.I have a new goal for my life.I want to be a blessing for other people,at least for people around me.This is indeed a really difficult goal for me since I am such a piece of shit.I realize that so far I have been a really hard and cold hearted person.I don't do nice thing to people,I am not kind,I am very moody and I have bipolar mood-swings I feel very sorry for people who have to deal with me everyday and have the obligation to love me because I am not easy to love.I am just not.But I want to change to be a better person.Like what I always intensify here forever-I want to matter and I want to contribute.And if I can't be Einstein or Lincoln,the least I can be is a little blessing in other people lives.

See you on another post!I love you peeps!!!

Finding Home

beaut

Let me just stated that I am just not in the mood for writing a bright-bright sunny entries.I am still lamenting on the fact that I am going to turned 19 this month and I still haven’t done anything yet with my life.My life haven’t even started!I don’t even know who to blame here.Me,my life,the government,my parents?I feel so scared of what’s coming.My whole life I never feel belong.I am lost in this world and right now I am wondering will I ever find home?

I feel myself being really clingy these days.I am not sure if this has something to do with my hormonal flux (my next period is in 4 days) but point is-this is a new feeling for me.And I am not sure how to react toward this brand new thing in my life.I spent 18 years of my life hating of being touch.I loathe physical contact,I am not a hugger,I don’t usually enjoy warm cuddlings,and I even avoid handshakes whenever it is possible.I am always so judgmental to some of my friends who are “real touchers”.They are people who actually enjoy physical touch,or even craving for it most of the time.”I need human touch!”some of them usually complain,while trying to reach for my arms,or touching my cheeks for warm greetings.I usually reaally hate these people.Like really,I hate you.But I guess the table has finally turns now.I am not sure how long have I been feeling like this but I am aware that something must has changed.Something is wrong.I am no more that person I usually am.I well I suddenly feel a shame writing this hemh.Okay let’s just finish this.I at first suddenly feel so lonely when I am alone,when usually I am not (remember my last post?).Then I began to enjoy human touch.I mean when a friend of mine (one of those touchers people) start hugging me and everything,I didn’t draw myself backwards.The snowballs effect takes place,hugs,cuddles,hair stroking,you name it.Things by things happened and then before I realized it,I have already accustomed myself to these little gestures and what surprise me is that I begin to enjoy it.Which is weird.Like really weird.

Home for me before,is a beautiful modern apartment cubicle downtown.With me inside it,drinking rosegold champagne from my mini fridge in my mini bar,ALONE.Like really that was my definition of ‘finding home’.I thought maybe I will look for a job,a well paid one,settle in that pretty place and go travel the world in the meantime to lose myself and to find myself.All is about myself.Me,me,me,me,me!Me is so important.In fact I used the word ‘me’ and ‘I’ so many times in this blog you can’t count it,can you?

But these days I am thinking more and more and more about this matter and my definition of ‘home’ has been a little bit shifted.I am still developing my mind and thoughts and soul,I feel insecure,I am still not sure.So now I wonder what home is.Is that a feeling to be belonged?To be accepted by people who love you?To be fitted in other’s people lives?Is it real that home can be a manifestation of 4 limbs and a lips to kiss>A person whose whole being fitted yours perfectly?Is it even possible for that kind of thing to exist outside a song?

I really wonder about this and I don’t know what to feel,to think,or to act.I feel so lost and so stupid.Isn’t it funny that the older I get the less I feel I know about life.Bye!Please enjoy this song from Nicole Zefanya,which is so good and heart-warming. ❤

Alonee

This is so LOL OMG I CANT BREATH!!

How To Deal With Loneliness-Written by An Expert #lol

Hey there,guess how life has brought me recently?Okay so I am copying one of my writings in my phone’s notes which I wrote right away wherever I was and now you can judge by yourself how my life is so far.

This one was written on Jan 27 2018
Writing right away from the toilet wuehehe I guess I am just the next Merry Riana right?
So I am actually in the middle of a birthday party.I am unhappy and everything is just not in the right place.Nobody I know actually came here.I am alone and usually that’s totally fine by me.Since entering uni I dont mind anymore to be alone.I never feel lonely whenever I am alone.I even actually enjoy it!But this time it is different because first this is a birthday party and everyone seems to be having fun with someone else meanwhile I am just wandering around all by myself,looking for food.Desperately eating my sweet pear cake and chocolate dripped marshmallows alone,picking on my salad and swallowing my sashimi(s) with quick gulps while trying to ignore bystanders’ stares.I am trying to look chill,confident,and independent because I usually am.But I can’t.

What makes it worse is the fact that I do actually “know” some people in that party but I cant join them because I am never been that close to tail them everywhere in a party.I feel so insecure,I am scared if they somehow observe that I am so alone (and lonely) in this party and I am anxious of what they will think of me because it does matter and I do really care about it!So pathetic?Yes!I know and I feel powerless!

Well I think now since my stomach has been full enough,I will just go outside the toilet and never comeback again to the party venue and exploring the hotel instead!I am always like this omgg.I am always curious and excited of strolling around new huge hotel and this one is a five star one so I think I deserve some happiness.

Alright this is the end of my note but I will tell you the rest of the story.So I did really sit inside the toilet stall for a freaking long time,staring at those sophomore girls’ legs and listening to their endless chats about silicon bras,eyeliner,somebody’s new mascara,and boys ofc.Then after they all gone I came out from my hiding fortress and went outside,strolling the whole huge,nice hotel.

I got myself lost between the carpeted aisles,sitting on so many huge sofas and takes tons of selfies on every mirrors I could find (the hotel hangs a mirror every 5 metres no kidding),then I ended up sitting at the lobby,listening to a mandarin singer singing at the top of her lungs along with a classical piano music being played.I suddenly felt so chill and relaxed.Then I went home lol.

This is my life.I dont know what to hope,how to react,or even what to feel anymore.I am just going to let it be.So bye!

this is me taking selfie at the toilet after those girls were gone,pardon the quality I have crappy phone camera but still dont plan to buy a new one bcos iam just being me haha

this is me on another day when I accidentally opened my front camera and I freaked out why I looked depressed but soon remembered this is how I basically look like 24/7 lol

Clueless

http://drhyman.com/blog/2010/09/17/how-to-eliminate-pms-in-5-simple-steps/

I don’t know what’s going on with my life right now.Hols is almost end and I am sure I am ready to spend crazy hours locking up myself in the library again when uni lyfe finally starts.Remember my resolution tho?I am going to make it.I am going to finish my readings and learn a lot of things although a month has nearly pass and yet I still haven’t finished a single book yet whoah.Me so strong-willed heh?

Well anyway I am still struggling to finish The Girl with The Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson because everybody keeps on saying about how good it is.I think I will pick up a copy of Jodie Picoult again this year but nor sure sih just hope for the best for me.

Watched Victorious series several nights ago not sure when because I feel like I have lost track of time ,can barely distinguish a day from another.I also feel emotionally unstable and weird,maybe meditation will help?Please comment bellow if you have any advice!Thanks!

PS:Just read this and found it hilarious!!!

100 Truths About Me

So hellow peeps I am back here,typing in the middle of the night…woops no actually this is 1 30 AM already but yeah whatever.Things have gone weird and somehow just feel wrong in my life these days so in status quo I dont give a shit.I am tired of keeping everything in control.I am tired.So here I am being very unhealthy with my crazy haphazard sleeping schedule.I am being random again now which I have never been for maybe almost this whole semester right?Since I finally filled up my brain and let people tell me what and how to write ‘a good writing’blah.

But anyway,I just realized that although you might have been following this blog and being an avid reader for almost 4 years now,you still actually never feel like you truly know me except the fact that I have a crazy mood swing.So this is why when I saw this 100 Truth About Me Post in Selina’s blog(which she stole from her sister’s blog) I decided to also stole it and post my own version of it here.I dont feel like doing further ramblings so here we go…

WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. Last beverage: plain water,my life is so boring
2. Last phone call: i loathe phone calls so obviously no phone
3. Last text message: well it was an online order to Buttercup_sby (it is an online shop and i need a new brow pencil because mine has been run out since last december)
4. Last song you listened to: Havana-Camilla Cabello
5. Last time you cried: on my second day of my last period which is happen to be last week lol
HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone: no and i am 18 now lol
7. Been cheated on: haha no
8. Kissed someone and regretted it: you can’t regret something you never did
9. Lost someone special: so far no
10. Been depressed: this is how i spend my life all of my avid readers must have known
11. Been drunk and threw up: yes
LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12: Rose gold in status quo -but this is changing over the time no kidding
13: Different Shades of grey (im dead serious im so pathetic)
14: Every natural shades like brown,black,tosca,silver,gold,white,etc.
THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:(2017 because 2018 has just started)
15. Made a new friend: yes a bunch of new friends but no new best friend
16. Fallen out of love: yes
17. Laughed until you cried: yes i think so but i cant remember
18. Met someone who changed you: NO
19. Found out who your true friends were: yes
20. Found out someone was talking about you: Haha yes and this is crazy I was in the toilet stall doing my business and then a bunch of friends got in and talked very loudly about me!They didnt even know I was there so I was just sitting inside awkwardly and waited until they all gone before coming out because of course I couldnt just come out right in front of their noses right?this is so ridiculous I have a weird sense of humor.
21. Kissed anyone on your friend’s list: so far no
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: haha idk seriously i have so many people on that list lol but know almost no one maybe haha
23. How many kids do you want: I never actually think about this and this kinda surprise me since i am always overthink everything
24. Do you have any pets: no
25. Do you want to change your name: Yess
26. What did you do for your last birthday: I bought some trays of sushi and brought them to school for my circle of friends to enjoy
27. What time did you wake up today: 9:00 AM
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping.I went to bed early last night.
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: my life to finally begin
30. Last time you saw your Mother: like 3 hours ago
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: my race and my genes,i know this is sad and sounds ungrateful but really iam just being honest
32. What are you listening to right now: Closer-The Chainsmoker
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom:humh no
34. Who’s getting on your nerves right now: haha how if they read?
35. Most visited webpage: google
36. Whats your real name: Joana.That’s all.
37. Nicknames: Jo or Joan
38. Relationship Status:i feel empty
39. Zodiac sign: Pisces
40. Male or female: Female
41. Primary School: YPPI IV
42. Secondary School: Petra 3
43. High school/college: Petra 2
44. Hair color: dark dark brownish with a slightly bleached blond at the bottom
45. Long or short: it’s an armpit length by now
46. Height: 157 cm 😦 yes iam a midget so sad
47. Do you have a crush on someone: im not so sure i told you i am lost
48. What do you like about yourself: I am a hard worker and a perfectionist in a way
49. Piercings: none.yes you read it right-NONE.
50. Tattoos: none at the moment
51. Righty or lefty: right handed
FIRSTS:
52. First surgery:none
53. First piercing: NONE
54. First best friend: Natasha
55. First sport you joined: idk running maybe
56. First vacation:to a place looks like a mountainous area when I was still a small annoying baby i cant recall
58. First pair of trainers: cant recall sorrey
RIGHT NOW:
59. Eating:nothing
60. Drinking:nothing atm
61. I’m about to: i am about to make a hot cocoa drink because my stomach feels weird
62. Listening to: the buzzing sound of my computer
63. What time is it: 02:26
YOUR FUTURE:
64. Want kids:maybe i dont know my future seems so blurry and dim
65. Get married: i hope so but again nothing is so sure right now
66. Career: I want to have a career in branding or advertising or maybe working as a foreign country embassy
WHICH IS BETTER:
67. Lips or eyes: lips of course
68. Hugs or kisses:kisses lol
69. Shorter or taller: taller
70. Older or Younger: younger
71. Romantic or spontaneous: spontaneous
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: nice arms!I judge boys from their arms and i often randomly crushing strangers and get myself into trouble just by staring at their beautiful firm arms omg what am i talking about
73. Sensitive or loud: i am not loud nor sensitive but i guess my tendency is more into sensitive rather than loud
74. Hook-up or relationship: relationship
HAVE YOU EVER:
76. Kissed a stranger: nah
77. Drank hard liquor: yes but that was only vodka,is that hard liquor by your definition?
78. Lost glasses/contacts: always happen lol i lost my glasses 3 times and my contacts once-story of my life
79. Sex on first date: humh it depends on the situation like in what country am i living or am i on birth pills or not and many other things like that to be considered
80. Broken someone’s heart: yes but i didn’t mean it
82. Been arrested: nah
83. Turned someone down: yes
84. Cried when someone died: so far no
85. Fallen for a friend: yes
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself: not really iam insecure
87. Miracles: yes under certain circumstances
88. Love at first sight: no
89. Heaven: yes
90. Santa Claus: never
91. Kiss on the first date: yes
92. Angels: yes
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: no
95. Did you sing today: nope
96. Ever cheated on somebody: so far no wkwk and iam not planning to
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go: 22 Feb 1999
98. The moment you would choose to relive: 3rd grade and 4th grade of elementary school and year 8 junior high
99. Are you afraid of falling in love:yes
100. Are you afraid of posting this as 100 truths: nope

PS:this is so funny i finally found somebody who is more random than me wakakkaka

I was Cats when i was younger but then i turned into Victorious Jade after i hit puberty its strange to think how people can change drastically in a really short period of time.