Question Everything


Have you heard it before?The Flat Earth Hypothesis?Reaching this point in life where I find myself cannot believe anything anymore (not even myself),I guess this is actually the worst time to find this theory.I came across a video by Geotimes Indonesia a few days ago about an interview session with The Flat Earth Society Indonesia and since then I cant help but feeling curious about this.I have watched a lot of videos about this,including videos that defend The Round Earth Theory and to be completely honest that first video I attached above is quite satisfying for my ego, somehow (I cant deny this)-I still cant believe I might have been wrong so far.What is actually important for me is not whether the earth is actually round or flat but the realization that I might have been believing the wrong thing in my whole life without even ever questioned its credibility before this.This realization led me to another thought.I suddenly realized that everything I have ever believed in my life as truths are actually just what I was told to be the truths.The right things are what my teachers and my parents and the society told as the right things.

So what is truth anyway?It is the reality,the fact,something that is not made by any assumptions.But problem is how can we know what the reality is if we were not the one who witnessed it?If we,in fact,never have the chance to proof something by our own freaking eyes?(in this case,well,not all of us ever had the chance to go to space and see the shape of the earth).And,ugh,can you even trust your eyes anymore?Our eyes are made of hundreds of light receptors and what we see is actually what our brain interprets from those light receptors’ inputs.If something when wrong with your light receptors,you will see a complete different picture.If you have acute colorblind from when you were born and no one ever told you about that,you will spend your life believing that the world is just black and white.So if this is the case,is it wrong for someone to say that you were wrong?That the world is actually colorful and you are abnormal?

That analogy above,I think is suitable to be compared to our point of views too.Every single human being has different ways of thinking.I am not sure if this has something to do with the neural pathways but I am pretty sure that just because someone says the world is just black and white means he/she is wrong because he/she has a valid reason to believe it.Just because the majority can see different spectrums of light it doesnt mean they are the one who right.How if God actually created the first human beings as colorblinds and we are all just products of mutation over the time?Ha!what are you going to say now,normal sighted people?It is true the world is black and white if you see it from the colorlind’s perspective.So why do you think you can justify yourself to say that somebody’s way of thinking is wrong?If a group of people’s beliefs or ideologies are wrong?To say that some people who live with a different lifestyle are abnormal???Just because they are different from the majority is that mean they are wrong??

I am sorry I know that I have shifted so far far away from my first topic about science hehe but this is how my brain works.It jumps from scientific analysis to politics then to poetry and then international security and everything you can thing of,just name it.Ha.So,back to Flat Earth Theory,tbh I am still not convinced.I still think that the evidences for Round Earth Theory are just stronger.I mean my logic says that the arguments for Round Earth Theory are more acceptable,logically acceptable.But still in science its true that we have to be sceptical and open for any possibilities because this is how science grows right?I am not completely against it tho some of the arguments also make sense to me but I am not just convinced enough.Plus again at this point I also wonder if my mind has been crafted by the education I have endured this long so that I cant be convinced easily about anything against that so to be called “basic science” I have been told before?I dont know.Like I have said before,and this time maybe it already sounds like a broken record to you all-I Question Everything.

I want to go to bed now.Maybe back tomorrow with recent life updates!See ya! ❤

PS:the second vid says that NASA and ISS might have lied and covered the truth from us about science .I dont think this makes sense.I mean why should they lie about the shape of the earth?seriously whats the benefit for them???


The Do Something Law

This week has been pathetically hectic and yesterday was the craziest.I cant deny that I have been learning a lot of things these past few weeks.I have to solve my own freaking problems and it surprised me that I actually dont know some basic simple things in life.For example,last week I found myself struggling to open a canned food.I felt stupid because how come I have been living my life for a whole 18 years without knowing how to open a canned food!!
Well I actually have so many stories I can ramble about them for a whole 10 pages but I guess I am just not in the mood of repeating and recalling memories of a tiring week which has just past *thanks God.Some significant events that happened are :
1.I decided to join the university magazine as online reporter and I have done several interviews with one more to go this Monday
2.I learn how to be organised for the first time in my life.Not only managing my time but also my money because living by yourself acquires you to know how to spend your income wisely.Uni has me to buy books and expensive ditionaries ugh
3.A lecturer of mine gave us a welcome speech and I think I will never forget her words forever.She said things that all make sense to me and have been proofed to be so true and useful for me.She told us that being an adult means being responsible of things that we did,on purpose or not on purpose.Most of the time,problems occurs unpurposefully.We never mean to forget things ungracefully,we never mean to leave our keys at home or not doing an assignment we didnt even know was given.We never purposefully putting ourselves in mortifying situations but life sometimes does put us there.And what should we do if we have been in that situation?Do something.That’s the basic rule.Dont just wait for life to pass unless you will end up feeling bad for yourself.Even when you dont have any idea what to do or when you feel like your attemps are so pathetic and unhelpful,just do something about it to make yourself feel good.To make yourself know that at least you have tried.That at least you didnt just give up and wait for the universe to flow.The universe doesnt just revolve around you.It’s about everybody else but it is you who is responsible with your own life.You dont like your salary?You dont like your apartment?You dont like your family?You loathe your job and your friends?Well,thats your fault.You are the one who can change everything and no one else is in charge for it.
4.If I have actually learnt something besides graphing parabola from highschool ,it must be this : Don’t expect too high unless you will be dissappointed more.Dont aim to be the best in doing anything.Just aim to do everything better than you have before.In other words-be realistic and dont you ever compare yourself to others.
5.Learn to be alone because no one will stay forever.Uni lyfe is highly solitary.You do everything by yourself.You dont have classmates.They keep on changing in every subjects you enroll and since I am suck in remembering people this makes it even worse but because I have always been alone my whole life so there isnt any remarkable loneliness.
PS:Just visited Kat’s page before logging in here and I am so happy she is back into blogging againn!
PPS: A song she attached there on a page “Wasn’t Expecting That”is soo good I cant stop listening to it even now Im still listening to it while typing this.

Looking forward for another beautiful week.I hope I will survive everything and enjoying every moment possible in my academic school life period because I know this will not last forever and time flies so fast I want to cry.At this very moment I am trying very hard to gather myself to get up and doing something useful instead of lamenting the facts that I cant revisit my history and memories,repairing every damages and heartaches in every wrong turns I have faced before.

Uhm okay so before Im getting too melancholic and annoying I decided that I have to stop here today.See ya next time!Laf ya always!

resharing this from Kat’s blog cause it is sooo lovely to listen to seriously I cant stop ❤

The Geeky Girl Is Still A Geek

Tired means tired.When you feel tired you actually feel at all that is what tired really is. What a fool I have been this long,thinking that feeling tired means that you are overwhelmed by everything all you want to do is just shutting the world down,while actually it is the complete opposite.Being tired is when you cant feel anything anymore and your chest is empty you dont even remember how it feels,to have emotions.
So if from my last two entries you thought that your geeky girl has somehow magically changed into some shallow, bubbly ,pretty little girl,HA I assure you now that you were REALLY WRONG.What actually happened was just I was tired of everything,literary everything.I’m even tired of being myself.I’m tired for always being the unordinary,the different one,the quirky one,name it,label me I don’t care anymore.This is why I decide to give it a try.I try to not think too much,wear more make ups,visiting current hits spot in town with a bunch of chatty girls friends,and everything everything blah.Aaand….did I enjoy it?Being shallow??LMAO,NO.It was all fun games at first but after a few days it exhausted me,and after a few weeks I gave up.A leopard cant change its spot so I think all I have to do is just be me and let everything happen.For my korean beauty products obsessions,everything I wrote in my last entry is true but what I didnt tell you is that I am still that kind of person who read all of the chemical ingredients of my blush on and skin toner before buying and using it.I freaking googled it and now I have been a self claimed expert in this field.I read about the difference of AHA and BHA and why they are good for curing acne and smoothing your skin, I read about oleic acid and linoleic acid and now I understand really well that they are the reason why hampseed oil and jojoba oil are always being prescripted by my dermatologist.In short-I still cannot be one of those girls who buy cosmetics just based on the pretty packaging without thinking anything else,I just cant.
What I want to say here is that some people who always engaged themselves in academic related activities,such as reading,writting,debating,listening to academical lectures and even watching political news,are always being labelled as nerds or smarty pants or maybe even a genius.This is bias,this really is.People who read non fiction science or Shakespeare in their spare time,or those who listen to political debate on radios every evening, are not always smarty pants or geniuses.But one thing for sure is that they are people who want to be smarter and better,people who want to improve themselves,expanding their minds,and opening their eyes.They are people who think they are not good enough and that’s why they keep on learning,and that ‘s why I never stop learning.

I have been watching Michael Sandels videos since hols and to be completely honest I’m in love with them.Sandel is a really intelligent man with tons of thought provoking questions and I cant help but loving him.I highly recommend these series for those who have been tired of 50 Days of Summer and looking for something deeper and harder to comprehend.Oh and also,after finishing Grisham I actually gave myself a break by reading an easier and happier book-That Summer I Turned Pretty by Jenny Han so maybe the review will come in next post.I’m really sleepy now so see ya!
PS: currently reading Mansfield Park by Jane Austen and actually it is good I cant put it down
PPS: If I am learning something this week it must be self discipline and time management I have always been on time these days!Wish luck to maintain this improvement!I’m trying!!!

New Fav Korean Products <3

I dont know what is wrong with me.I am done with my personality quizzes addiction phase and now I am in korean products addiction phase.Everything started from when Maggie went to Malay last June and asked me if I want to buy some korean sheet masks so I think it is fair to think that she is actually responsible for my current obsession lol ( this is me trying to blame someone for my current excessive online shopping ).At that time actually I was not really thrilled with the idea of korean sheet masks because sheet masks will just be sheet masks,nothing special.But then it turned out that I was wrong.Korean sheet masks are awesomee.They are highly hydrating and soothing and smell so good.Aloe is my favorite for hydrating while roses smell so good and if you are looking for something for making your face brighter and radiant,you should go for shea butter and white rice.As for the brands I have been using everything from inisfree to nature republic to skinfood and like them all but so far nature republic still remains my fav.I use them once a week at night especially after aan awful,hectic day.They make my tired skin smoother,more elastic,and healthier.They also somehow help me to relax and sleep better.Yes,I have problems to fall asleep I dont know why.

Sheet masks were just a start because I also have been trying many other korean beauty products such as etude house vanilla matte bb cream,eyeshadows,lip tints,and skinfood 99% Aloe Vera gel which I really like.This is actually a multifunction soothing gel you can use it for your whole body but I mainly use it for my face as sleeping mask or make up base and for my lips for lip balm.This save me a lot of money because I dont have to buy moisturizer and lipbalm as separate products anymore.This gel makes my face smoother and reduces skin inflammation problems such as acne or kind of.I reaaly love this product,highly recommended!Plus I want to kiss the inventor.

Last but not least,I want to update my current life events here.Uni lyfe hasnt officially begin yet but have done my orientation week.I have to live in a boarding house this month because at the start of the semester my schedule is so hectic here with all of those clubs’recruitments and everything.Adulting is hard,thats the lesson from my very first week living alone here,but also luckily I am a person who quickly adapt with every situation so yeah basically I am fine and I survive,and I know I have to,just have to,survive whatever will come next.Wish me luck guys.

PS:I am typing this with 10 fingers rules yayy it turned out that I actually can do so many things I thought I never could if I have enough self discipline
PPS:guess who just did some more shopping today?Just bought la vie en rose liya’s pink and the color is shockingly bright but it is still okay laa
Just got home from Stephanie’s farewell before she started med school in Jakarta next september,food was good and it was nice to have a proper meet up with old familiar friends after spending the whole week trying to make new friends with people I never know before..
There will be church tomorrow and mum would kill me I didnt wake up on time so byeee see ya.

Botanika Resto Surabaya

I am back!!! Happy and full of positive vibes!!So I just had a mini reunion with my elementary school girls.We at first had been confused to decide where to go,but then just like another 5 millions other teenagers in this city,we decided to go to the most-brand new and “so called” coziest spot Cafe Resto so we can post photos with their location and account tagged and TADAAA we are somehow like magic,considered to be the cool kids!Ha!Okay peeps so here I present you,the current talk of the town,Botanika Resto!

When you are talking about a restaurant or a cafe,of course you will talk about the food first,like-“Did you try the famous dragon fruit fried rice?Is it that good?How was it taste?Is it sweet??How was that herb spices chicken wings?Does it worth the price?”Or maybe “How about the oxtail soup and sambal matah?Did you recommended it to us?”Hell,yeah,the best thing about being the first one tried out a new cafe or resto before anyone else had the chance is that people suddenly think that you are a food tasting expert or kind of and start pouring out questions and they will believe everything,literary everything you say!

When we got inside the resto,the cozy atmosphere has already hanging in the air.We got there at 1 PM and the sun rays were illuminating the whole area through the big glass windows.Funny thing about this Resto is that the architecture is better than the food lmao.The architecture was great.It has an ecofriendly and minimalis modern style combined with traditional material like woods,rotan,and oh there are so many green plants.The resto is spacious and bright and so clean just the way I like it.And that’s why this is a very good spot for taking photos.Tons of photos yes.

Okay so answering those questions above I’m telling you now that the food itself here,to be brutally honest,is not that good.Yes,I tried the dragon fruit fried rice and herb spices chicken wings but they were actually not that special.The dragon fruit fried rice was salty and not sweet nor sour like most people think.The chicken wings,in my opinion should have been labelled in the menu with tagline like this”Ordinary Indonesian Fried Chicken But Sorry We Are Out of Stock So There Are Only Wings Left”.Yeah,basically it tastes just like fried chicken but there were no drumsticks,just wings.I dont really recommend this dish.I didnt try the Oxtail Soup because the menu hadn’t ready yet.This is the negative side of being the early birds,most of the menus there weren’t available yet.I remembered ordering Rujak Aceh Kepiting Soka and after waiting for it for nearly an hour a waitress came over our table telling that menu wasnt ready yet.Please why didnt you tell us earlier?Ah,never mind,we also tried Kebuli fried rice with sunny side ups,Cabe Ijo fried rice,and ayam panggang something I cant recall the name now.From all of the dishes I think Cabe Ijo fried rice was the best.I like the taste it was somewhat spicy and salty and the whole combination was just so beautiful.Kebuli fried rice was fine but the flavor was too heavy for me,too much spices I want to cry.

For the drinks,we ordered Lychee tea,Es Loli Mangga (Mango Popsickle with soda),Es Campur,Es Chendol,aaand Naturasari.Yes,you heard it right,naturasari.It took so damn long for that drink to arrive.It was Rachel’s order and she nearly died eating chicken without drinks at all.Es Loli mangga was so unique.Basically it is just mango popsickle served in a glass full of classic soda.It is good but you have to drink it fast because when it melts your drink will end up looking like a pathetic orange flavored Redoxon.Yup,that’s what what happened to me.

After food and drinks,now the service.The waitresses and waiters are all so friendly.They greeted us when we came.Offer to help us hang our coat or jacket,folding our umbrellas,taking endless photos,etc.But the process of making the food took soooooo damn long.It took us forever to wait for our nasi goreng kebuli to finally arrived and like I have said Rachel didnt get her Naturasari until she almost finished eating.The time management is still so awful here.I hope that if somehow the manager stumbled into this review,he will try his best to fix it because honestly we were not happy customers that time,when we were waiting like crazy.If you are planning to visit this cafe in your lunchbreak,change your time quickly!And you have to thank me for saving you from another upcoming disaster.Visit this cafe at your free time,when you have nothing important to do that day.Oh and there wasn’t any parking fee but you have to use vallet service (YES IT IS FREE).So,if you go there by car,you have to get the vallet service even though you dont want it please dont ask me why because I also dunno why.

I dunno what more to say so lets just let the pics do the talking…

Service : ★★★☆☆
Architecture : ★★★★★
Food : ★★★☆☆
Time Management : ★★☆☆☆



Raya Kertajaya Indah Blok F No. 303, Kertajaya, Surabaya
Buka – Minggu (08:00 – 24:00) 031 5954800, 031 5954900

Sycamore Row-John Grisham (Review)

Title : Sycamore Row
Author : John Grisham
Publisher : Bantam Books
Genre : Legal Thriller
Cover Design : Maria Carella
First Published : 2013
Pages : 454 (author’s note included)
RATING : 4/5

A wealthy man in Ford County named Seth Hubbard committed suicide in 1989.2 days before he died he changed his prior will that was prepared by a big law firm in Tupelo in 1987.He wrote a new handwritten will and left 90% of his wealth to his black house keeper(Lettie Lang) and nothing for his children,ex wives,or grandchildren.He also mailed a letter to Jake Brigance asking him to defend that handwritten will to the bitter end at any costs because he know that his family will fight hard.The big question is why on earth would Seth leave nearly all of his fortune to his black maid?Had chemotherapy affected his ability to make him think clearly?What did Lettie do to worm out her way to his will?And what does it all have to do with a piece of land called as Sycamore Row?

This is my very first Grisham novel and now I am already deeply,madly in love with this one.Grisham is smart,funny,and seems to have this ability to craft complex and interesting characters.The idea of the story itself is so good I still can’t believe it.I have to admit that at the beginning of the book I felt a little bit bored because this book is slow paced as heck I can’t wait for the surprise elements to finally emerged.I usually love books that are fast paced and full of intelligent twists.This one had almost make me desperate and gave up on it but I continued on and I am really grateful I did.The characters are all awesome.All of them are new for me because I havent read A Time To Kill but now I promise myself to go read it as soon as possible.From all of the character I love Portia Lang the most because yeah if you are an avid reader of this blog and you also have read this book,you will easily see why she is my fav among the others.She is a beautiful,strong,independent young woman who is open minded and reasonable and I just cant help but loving her.Growing up in a difficult situation,running away after high school and joined the army for 6 years,has been visiting so many places in the world during her service period to the army and finally back to her hometown after doing some jobs in Europe to go study law.She is just awesome.The antagonist indeed,has also captured my heart.Wade Lanier played a dirty game during the lawsuit process but I admire his efforts in doing everything he could,in making surprises for his opponents in every turns.Some people born to be like him,they never mean to be the bad guys it just happens.In facts,in most movies I always love the antagonists the most idk why.Oh yeah and I dont really like judge Atlee.In my imagination he must be an old traditional conservationist white man whose mind and judgments are undoublty fair but also boring to death.I know he plays fair game but still I hate people like him in real life that’s why.Last,but not least I also love Harry Rex so much.This divorce lawyer has all the traits I love in a man.He is funny,smart as heck,easy going,good at negotiating,and sincere.He was not by any means pretentious.Oh and I also admire Seth Hubbard’s efforts,idea,belief,and his action by writing his last will to straighten the justice,to mend his family relationship to the Rinds family for what his father had done in the past.I admire and respect him so much because of this.

For those who had never read Grisham books before I think it is better for you to read his first book (A Time To Kill) first before reading this because actually Sycamore Row is a kind of sequel to it.For those who are always asking for what age this book is recommended for ,I have to be honest here that sometimes I dont get it why people even ask something like that.Everybody can enjoy a book regardless of their age because a 12 years old whose mind has already well developed could enjoy this book more than a 35 five years old whose mind is dull and never have the inner will to sharpen his own mind by reading books like this.So my conclusion is that this is a very very good book that must be read by everyone,I’m not exaggerating this but I definitely put this in my “50 books you have to read before you die”list.Highly recommended,especially if you are a big fan of thrillers like me.

PS: eventually there is still hole in this big masterpiece-why the heck Seth didn’t just explain clearly in his will the reason of his action?I know it may be bitter and bringing back unpleasant memory to him but please it can save so many people from this difficult and confusing situation created by his handwritten will.I just wonder why Seth why you put them all in this unnecessary confusing situation and bitter war?It is big money involved here,everybody wants to claim a piece of the pie why couldn’t you understand.
PPS:I finished this last night and didnt sleep until 2 AM just because I couldnt put it down,YES THIS BOOK IS THAT GOOD!

Plot : ★★★★☆
Characters: ★★★★☆
Writing : ★★★☆☆
Story : ★★★★☆
Pacing : ★★★☆☆
Cover : ★★☆☆☆



A Girl Under Construction

“The happiest people dont have the best of everything,they just make the best of everything.”-NN

I may have repeated this like a broken record before,that I may have obsessive compulsive disorder because I cant be normal when I love/hate something.And nowadays I have been obsessed to personality quiz.I dont know why but it really feels relieving to know that somebody out there understands you.Truth is 90% of what they usually say about me is so true like finding someone reading my mind out loud.On the other hand I that also makes me feel like “duh am I that predictable?”But nevermind,I will still read it tho lol.

I found out that some people from my real life actually read my entries because I never realize that my link is displayed on my instagram acc this whole time.So that’s it.Ive always been wondering how can they even know my url and now I feel so dumb.At first I feel paranoid.Knowing somebody from my real life reading something like this gives knots to my stomach because what would they think about me then?After seeing all of these??But then I realize if they actually really had read my entries here and somehow they are still sticking around me without judging me or making fun of me,then I should be grateful I have them in my life.They,after all,have proofed it that they will still support me and not judging me even after seeing my dark thoughts and first I also felt like my freedom is being violated because now since ive known that people i know read my entries i have to be more careful when I write,I cant anymore write furiously without thinking and ignoring every grammatical errors just because I dont care this blog is a ghost town so what.But now I realize that I also dont care.I can write what I want to write,that’s it.

Okay so holiday is almost over.Uni lyfe is about to begin by the end of Jul and I dont know why but I am not thrilled.When I graduated from Junior high,I honestly was expecting too much for high school.Because you know,high school is said to be “the most wonderful and exiting phase of academical study”.People start finding love,have their first kisses,first driving license,first being legal for alcohol drinking,and many more.What they dont tell me is that being in love involves being broken,is that being drunk could possibly makes a friend rambling out every secrets and truths you hope you will never know,is that the ‘exiting’part of high school is learning how to graph a parabola and reading a hemoglobin saturation graph.This is why,I learned my lesson,and dont set my expectation high this time.Uni will be uni.You will study your major and struggling with the workloads every night.I hope I will meet more good people,or at least I will be able to tolerate those whoever people I will meet.I am having enough of toxic relationships with human being and not interested in having some more for future deals.

I myself,consciously aware that I am (by any standards) not [yet] a good person.I am a sad person.I am a girl with bad habits and unstable emotion.I think too much.I am insensitive of other people’s feelings and I admit it that I’m lack in offering any emotional supports or even expressing my own emotion.I can feel highly emotional but I will never give you a single hint about it,I keep everything to myself.I dont share my thoughts and my emotion openly because I dont think people can understand.I cannot swim,cannot ride a bicycle (no kidding),and so many other things that I always want to learn but never have the chance.

I admit it that I am horribly limited and that I am still far far away from that “Miss Perfect” criteria.But cant you see that I am trying?Before logging in here I was practicing my neglected 10 fingers typing standards and every morning during hols I wake up at 6 am for driving lesson.I have boxing classes from time to time and do yoga every sunday evening.I do the dishes every night altho I dont really like it and I swear I am trying not to do it half-heartedly.And the most important thing is that I’m trying to be happy.I am trying to be positive because being miserable is tiring.I want to be a grateful person who can offer emotional supports to her friends,a girl who fast respond every chats and texts and emails instead of procrastinating them until something urgent happened.I try to improve my skills.This feels good but also mentally tiring me.For this moment I think I will still try my best doing this and keep everything on track but I dont know if I will break down or not.Let’s just see and hope for the best.

well said

PS:Currently reading Sycamore Row by John Grisham and it is so good so far,probably will write review soon ❤


12 Things You Need To Remember If You Are Struggling To Believe That You Will Ever Find Love

Don’t laugh!Don’t you even dare to have the ‘idea’ of laughing,okay?So,I’m basically writing this because people these days keep on bugging me with questions like this:
“Are you asexual?”or”Are you lesbian?”or even “What’s wrong with you?Are you normal?”

At first,I didn’t take this too personally but you know 她们接二连三的问提 finally succeed in ruining my inner peace.I think that’s why I start googling things like that article above and even doing “what my sexuality is quizzes”online.Of course I deleted all of my histories in my browser because how if somebody (read:my parents) find out??If I’m not mistaken I did a test on and do you know what it said about my sexuality?I got that big caps locked “YOUR RESULT IS CONFUSING” thingy popping up on my screen,cool.Hey allthetestsdotcom I went into your page at the first place because I was confused and I obviously dont need your approval.I am basically 50 % heterosexual,30 % pansexual,10% bisexual,10% asexual,and 0% homosexual.No wonder the algorithm was confused,heh?

People (including you girls in that photograph abovee) keep on asking me “Are you sure you never fall in love?”Then thanks God I found that article from ,go read it,I promise it is worth the length haha.My conclusion after reading that article is that nothing is WRONG with me.I’m 100% normal and healthy.Okay for those who always giving me nightmares by asking questions ive mentioned,chill world chill,I’m 18 not 38,okay.We are still so young,anything can happen in a very short amount of time.There is still hope.Some people maybe can find love at age 12,some at 16,some at 22,some at 30,who knows?I just go with the flow.I dont want to force myself or punishing myself with social judgement anymore I’m having enough of it.I want to live my life to its fullest potential,making friends as many as possible,both boys and girls,helping others,learning skills I always want to but never have the chance(boxing,swimming,riding a bike,playing baduk,10 fingers typing,you name it),or maybe even saving the world by reducing carbon monoxide production from my vehicle,or anything but stressing over problems and judgments society creates.

So my conclusion is that I write this post to clarify to all of you people that from the bottom of my heart I know I’m heterosexual,you cant be 100% in anything,start to see the world as hundred shades of grey instead of black and white,okay?Based on that casual online test,I maybe 50% hetero and 50% chaotic but hey some people who can confidently saying they are sure what their sexuality is may also get result as confusing as mine so dont judge.I’m not being sexist or something here,I absolutely respect people who are homosexual,pansexual,asexual,or sapiosexual.I don’t value people from their sexuality,what they owned,or what they believe in.I value you people from the way you interact with each other,the way you treat and respect other people with different backgrounds and mindsets.Here and now I only want to make it clear in what category I am in so that you won’t be confused anymore whenever I write something about human beings equality or kind of next time.I have to sleep now because driving lesson tomorrow will be at 6 in the morning byeee laf ya.

PS:That photo was taken at Gather Inc Cafe
Jalan Taman Puspa Raya Blok A2 No. 11, Made, Sambikerep, Kota SBY, Jawa Timur 60217
Food was pretty good but sorry I didnt manage to take any photo of them because I was hungry as heck
PPS: I recommend peanut butter and banana healthy bowl ,oh and pestapasta because they were soo good!!!

Rose Tinted Glass

Lessons learned this week:
1)I should move on from something I know for sure I dont wanna hold back or vice versa (dont want to hold me back) seriously
2)I should like really (immediately)stop seeing the world through rose tinted glass
3)Accept the reality although I dont like it at all
4)Don’t hope to high,yes I have to dream but don’t forget you are still living on earth not mars jo
5)Now I understand the idea of letting go and that all bitterness shall pass one day
6)Some people were really born assh*les so just detox them out from your life,moreover your heart
7)People who can hurt you the most are usually the ones who are close to you

I usually be that one friend you are looking for when you need advice.Any kind of advice,from how to graph a parabola,how glycolysis work,to several life advice like how do I live my life happily according to my own rules.But the table was finally turned these past few days.I was the one who asked for advice,the who cannot handle her own problems.I found myself desperately scrolling through my phone,looking for victims to be poured by my overwhelming emotion and ramblings.At one point I even found myself arranging a meet up,a face to face deep talk to relieve my anxiety and confusion.I luckily still managed to keep the emotional rage to myself and didnt end up crying or doing any other embarrassing things during the meet up.

This feels weird for me because usually I have never been an emotional person.I cover up really well.I mean yes I have bipolar mood swing inside me 24/7 but I never showed it to others.No one can tell how I feel just by looking at me because from the outside I am always so calm and cool headed.I hardly ever lost my temper in public because everytime I did,I did it here.I blog out my anger,like literary.But this time it is a different case.

Like I had mentioned before,I just got home from hols.Bali was so hype tho,I will never regret it.Late night talks(I enjoyed both deep and light),11 PM swimming (seriously),beach strolling on early mornings (this was mum idea),and everything everything.I swear I’m writing from my heart right now.So because of that,I thought when I got home I would be refresh and ready to live my life far happier than before.But is that what happened to me?Haha,no.Right after I got home I feel like a trash being thrown to hell.Of course I can easily blame my period for this but I know it was not just because of it.There is this problem that bothers my heart,eating up my energy and my clear mind became hazardous again.

In fact,I even couldnt get in here until today.I dont feel like I have the energy.Yesterday I watched Boss Baby and it was awful.The Pirates of Carribean(The Revenge of Salavar) is still far better.But sadly I couldnt get my fav caramel popcorn because I suddenly have cough and flu so sad.Maybe they are right,a confused mind will lead to a decrease in my immune system that’s explain everthing.I need my namaste now.

PS:speaking of namaste,i think should start yoga class again asap

Jika Tuhan Memang Sama

I found this poem almost one year ago from this link all credits go to her account.

Jika Tuhan Memang Sama

Jika Tuhan memang sama
Haruskah kita menunjuk salah
Orang berbeda agama?

Jika Tuhan memang sama
Haruskah kita membuat musnah
Orang berbeda doa?

Jika Tuhan memang sama
Haruskah kita bersusah payah
Menjadi Allah bagi sesama?

Sudah lama sekali rasanya,sejak saya terakhir menulis dalam bahasa Indonesia.Tepat dua hari yang lalu kita memperingati hari lahirnya Pancasila.Untuk pertama kalinya sepanjang ingatan saya,hari itu dijadikan hari libur nasional.Beberapa adik kelas saya malah masih juga harus menghadiri upacara bendera.Banyak yang mengomel tentu saja,namun sebelum kalian menggerutu lebih lanjut,coba pikirkan apakah peringatan ini memang sepenuhnya nonsense?Atau memang sesungguhnya perlu sekali untuk dirayakan setiap tahun?

If you reside in this country,saya percaya kalian semua sudah tahu kasus saling menista Tuhan antar sesama umat beragama di negri ini.Kasusnya rame ampun-ampunan sampai bosan saya dengernya.Nyalain TV ketemu kasus ini,pindah channel eh sama aja,nyalain radio sama aja,baca koran omg ketemu lagi.Nah gara-gara ini,saya jadi punya hipotesa(ingat ya hipotesa jadi cuma ilmu kira-kira aja ngga tau bener atau ngga) bahwa peringatan hari lahir pancasila tahun ini sampai diupacarakan segala untuk mengingatkan seluruh rakyat negri ini bahwa Indonesia dulunya dibangun atas dasar persatuan.Atas dasar Ketuhanan Yang MahaEsa,yang berarti Tuhannya Satu dan sama tanpa mempedulikan tetek bengek lainnya.Intinya kita sama-sama menyembah Sang Pencipta Alam Semesta,tanpa perlu meributkan sebutannya.

Saya sendiri sejak kecil bersekolah di Sekolah Dasar 5 agama.Di sana kami diajarkan bahwa di dunia ini hanya ada dua jenis orang yaitu orang jahat dan orang baik.Sisanya abaikan saja.Ras,warna kulit,agama,orientasi seksual,status ekonomi,status sosial,semua itu cuma embel-embel yang melekat pada jati diri manusia yang sesungguhnya yakni nilai luhur budi pekertinya.Mungkin karena ajarannya sudah seperti itu sejak kecil,sampai sekarang dalam berteman saya sama sekali tidak mempersoalkan hal-hal seperti itu.Mungkin karena hal itu pula saya bertumbuh menjadi pribadi yang sangat tidak suka dengan perilaku diskriminatif dalam hal apapun termasuk rasisme dan sexisme.

Perilaku diskriminatif yang saya maksud di sini bisa datang dari mana saja,baik kaum mayoritas maupun kaum minoritas.Saya jujur saja kurang suka juga dengan kaum minoritas yang mau mendukung politisi tertentu hanya dengan alasan warna kulit dan agamanya sama (kalian taulah politisi mana yang saya maksud) bukan karena kejujuran atau integritasnya.Fenomena yang terjadi di negara kita ini merupakan bukti nyata bahwa kaum minoritaspun ternyata juga diskriminatif.Contoh nyata lainnya,kali ini lebih real karena menyangkut personal life saya,ada seorang teman yang baru saja berpindah haluan agama.Sebut saja dari agama minoritas pindah ke agama mayoritas.You can guess what happen next?Yap si teman ini langsung digossipin habis-habisan di belakang punggungnya.Saya merasa teramat sangat miris.Sumpah. Hey if you are reading this(you know who you are)I still love you despite everything else!Intinya,saya cuma mau bilang bahwa baik mayoritas maupun minoritas semuanya sama-sama punya peluang untuk berperilaku diskriminatif,semua kembali kepada pribadi masing-masing lagi.Semua dari kita sama-sama masih harus belajar.Belajar untuk saling mengerti,untuk saling menerima.Buat apa susah payah memahami kalkulus dan trigonometri kalau memahami lingkungan sendiri saja tidak bisa??

Terakhir sebagai paragraf kesimpulan,saya ingin menekankan bahwa tak akan ada perilaku diskriminatif jika tak ada kebencian,dan tak akan ada kebencian tanpa ada keterpisahan.Jadi,saya berharap sebagai generasi baru dari bangsa ini,kita semua mampu mengembangkan jiwa toleransi dan hidup dalam rasa saling menghargai tanpa perlu saling menjadi hakim bagi sesama seperti yang telah disajakkan Adela pada puisi di atas.Tulisan ini saya buat setulus-tulusnya dari hati tanpa bermaksud menyakiti pihak manapun,so no hard feelings peeps!See ya!

true af

PS: this is my self mantra this week