What I learnt this week:
1)It is actually not hard for me to make the decision itself,what is hard is to keep it going without being influenced by others’ judgments,society judge and people will never stop judging you know.
2)I know what I want,deep in my heart,what is hard is to believe that I can achieve what I want
3)When things are all so hectic,you hardly feel exhausted,but when everything is finally cooling down,you just realized how tired you actually are.
I’m mentally tired and I can’t believe I have to face another weeks of exams.Sometimes,you know,certain days in your life can be ridiculously awful.Everything is simply not in the right order.Everything feels wrong.My moodswing these days is being a bipolar pendulum and I am freaking tired of it.I’m breaking apart,I don’t know what to say anymore.I’m just somehow so terrified that everything is going to end soon and I don’t know what to do with my life.I’m pretty sure about what I’d love to do or what I want to do in my life but I don’t know how to achieve it and I’m not even trying to think about it now because from my experience I know that we can map out our plans and life into its details but none of it will actually go as expected.Overthinking is killing me now but for your information,it is also so HARD for me to just go with the flow,to just let it be.Help.
this is my last attempts to feel better about my life:
1)Finally you don’t have to do chem and phys anymore,only bio left
2)At least you can full fill your new year resolution to gracefully make your own decision,be your own kind of successful without worrying people judgments *ugh yes I survived although it is not easy at all*This is your life,do what you want to do,they will always judge you no matter what you do,I have learnt my lesson.
Want to know what?My instagram save is currently full of my want to read books and pictures I want to draw but never did because of too little time,oh and make ups products to order online as soon as possible (I’m not broke but I hate spontaneous spends okay)Oh and pretty little liars end game is finally out but still I dont have time to catch up Im still in season2.
Hey,these two torturing weeks of exams finally ended today.We got physics this afternoon and then we went for a movie ,yes it was Logan.The plot itself is freaking good I’m satisfied.Most of my friends dont really like the ending because it was somehow suspended.One also said that there is too much violence in this movie but I think it’s still okay.
Plus Hugh Jackman is awfully handsome.
It was too late already when the movie finished that’s why I’m staying at Maggies’s and blogging right away from her computer while she is still in the shower.
Oh I had Con Porto Risotto for super from the spaghetti,and I decided that I still love Fettucine or spaghetti.
Aha,I think I should go now.Going to watch some more movies tonight although we still have to do badminton tomorrow morning.Doing more exercises is one of my new year resolution remember,but I just started thinking that maybe Im just not into sport.*ARGGH*.Will coming back with more photos.
Well I know this is too late,valentine was a month ago,but I just feel bad if I dont share this.This is too good.Tomorrow will be bio by the way.
ps:yes,date that guy, girl.
Yes that is a rethorical question.Im blogging right from my phone again,exam will start at 1 PM so I can be here now,ready to ramble again.
I wonder what my first lie was and when did it happen.Was I still 6?Or 4?How can we start telling lies?Nobody ever taught us how to lie.Parents and priests kept on telling us not to lie because it is wrong and Im pretty sure that during my long period of education (until today) there is no such chapter entitled”How To Cover Your Lie” or “How To Be A Clever Liar”or maybe even “How To Manipulate Truth”.But we all tell lies.We all do.
I wonder if I can try to live without telling lies again like before (by this I mean my very first years of life).Here,I want to admit that telling lies is like a drug,once you got in you cant stop doing.I cant stop thinking about this since yesterday,after I lied to a friend who turned out to be so innocent I feel bad for him/her (cant tell sorry).I then started thinking over this question “Why do we lie?”My best answer is that at first we lie when the condition makes us to.We lie to save ourselves from problems,from difficulties.If we dont face that hard situation we wont lie.For example your mum got angry because her vase is broken,you were scared to be grounded thats why you lied and told her it was her dog broke her vase.At the next level,we tell lies not because of urgency or to save ourselves from problems but to gain benefits from others.I think this is actually a basic principal in business.We lie to have profits not because we have to.If we dont lie actually its okay for us ,it wont give you problems but if we lie we can get something we cant when we dont.The last stage of this is we tell lies for no reasons,we just lie because we always lie that’s it.
I ever read a journal about the genes for lying.There is a study about humans brain and it said that there is this region in our cerebrum that is active whenever we lie.And this region is inherited from billion years ago which means that this character is evolutionary beneficial.Whoah.So I started thinking that maybe yes,lying is beneficial for human beings’survival,especialy in this modern era but still we know telling lies is wrong.Covering the truth is not what we naturally suppose to do,we have to search truth not covering it I dont know what is the conclusion of this post.What i want to say is if we all were born with that region in our cerebrum which enable us to lie,werent we all born as liars???
This is lol
Just found my old year book and diary.I cringed a lot while reading it,thinking how I could even had the nerve to write something so cheesy like that lol.Year book is so funny I can read my elementary’s friends handwriting and laughing over their cheesy and poetic quotes haha.Then I wonder if one day I will scroll through my phone screen and cringe too while reading this post.This idea to put my diary online feels like a good idea at this moment but 20 years later?I don’t know.Maybe I will even regret this post,or maybe I will feel grateful I wrote this today so that I can have something to feel nostalgic to.Yes,I’m that sentimental.
Answering your questions about where I have been this long without any activities in wordpress,I have been in school most of the day and when I’m not in school I’m working on school workload yay.Senior year can be tricky.It can be your best year because it is your last but also your worst because of its super hectic aka depressing schedule ha.For me myself,I finally can get into here because finally we can have 2 days break before exams start again next week *say yay to my life*.I don’t know about my life but at least I finally can decided to take literature as my major instead of medicine in the university.I’m tired but not lifeless.I’m already reaching that point in life where I realized stressing over and worrying about my future won’t change anything.All I can do is just doing my best today.Like I have said before I just found my old diary and I cringed a lot.I wrote it when I was 8 and at that time the entries didn’t feel funny or cheesy to me ,it was seriously,carefully written
(with the glittery pen and stickers and all).I didn’t know that one day I will laugh over it or even worst-cringed while reading it.This,reminds me that there are certain things in our life that we don’t know and will never know until the time comes.This is the mystery of life and what beautiful is hopes can occur because of this.If we already know everything that will happen in our future life,obviously,there is no such thing as hopes and possibilities.The infinite future makes everything is possible and realizing this is really a relieving feeling.No one can escapae oblivion and now I can deal with it,no more worries,no more over thinking I have tried my best.
Looking forward for the Bali Trip at the end of the semester.I can’t help but feeling exited because everybody do so.
I want to sleep in peace now!Good night!