Cotton Candy

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Too much sweetness makes me nausea.Everything sweet,name it caramel popcorn,lollipops,white chocolate,milk pudding,cotton candy,etc is always easy to love.I can tell that I have a sweet tooth I can eat the whole candy shop down if I’m told to do that but sometimes,just sometimes I feel nausea because of sweetness.By this I literary mean the sweet junkies and also those fake sweet words people say in front of you thinking(or pretend?) that you don’t know what they actually think about you.I’m tired of this.Pardon me,maybe I’m just tired from last night’s party.It was another sweet 17 bday party and all I can remember is that her dad was being sweet giving her surprise and asked for a dance.I don’t know why I always feel kind of drained after any social gatherings/social interactions even as simple as a good deep talks with my closest friends.I’m having enough of everything.I don’t know what to do and what(or who) to believe anymore.I’m also scared that somebody from my real life read my online entries here and use my own words to find my weaknesses and then backstabbing me.People will always judge,no matter what.Oh and my last night’s lesson was : society have tendency to classify themselves,thinking who is and isn’t deserved to be their friends,to seat at the same table with them etc.In every society there is always that one person being unwanted by anyone without reasons (sometimes because their physical appearance maybe).From what I see I think it happens in this way:some famous students don’t like this very person,then the other students start not wanting to be this person’s friend because they want to be friends with the famous students who don’t like that very person.This pattern then chain-mailed to the whole school and nobody notices or willing to stop it.

Okay so this week (esp last night) was gross and awful.I couldn’t sleep well for 3 days straight.Don’t ask me why.It feels like your heart beating so fast and so hard and your brain keep on working,working,and working,overthinking everything in your life.You have this vague feeling inside your head that something is going to be wrong and you have to do something about it but you don’t even know what is it so all you can do is just staring at the ceiling with your body lying still until 2 AM.Nah,you know the struggle huh?So what’s the point of this post?It’s pointless haha just like my other posts.I love writing and I keep on writing everything I want to.I can write what I want to write without worrying what people would think about me.What I like about blogging is that you can choose which people’s comments to be approved and which to be rejected.That’s so cool,I wish I could do the same in every conversations I have.I imagine there would be a dialogue box pop up in my mind ‘Clare want to say that your cotton candy looks disgusting.OK.CANCEL.’Me:’CANCEL’.That will be great!!Don’t know what to write next so I decided to stop and try some sleep.

Wish you a good day!

Tuesday Deep Thots

Midbreak finally commences omg.But still I have workloads to do.We just finished a row of midterm tests last week and then we still have our math assignment today just before we got our report book.We have 5 days break including the weekends but we STILL have to revise for another math test on Tuesday and Physics on Wednesday.So,from this side,what can you conclude about my life?Terifyng?Boring?

All I need Is Just a cup of tea and a really good book

This is what happened when you stared at your night tea too long:you have freaking deep thots you feel nausea you have too much too handle

I really don’t know what else to say.I have promised myself to be more positive and try my best not to overthink about dying,eugenetics,my own future,and all.It’s hard.Damn hard.This surprises me so much,I mean,am I really that negative minded?It’s funny no matter how we had our plans mapped out,to the details listed,and nothing ever goes as we planned.Like what I have mentioned in my last post about my chem test which I did on the wrong paper test.It was out of my control.Of course this whole thing is not just about tests and school assignments,this is about all things in our lives.I don’t want you to think me as an academic oriented student (which partly is true because I join the school olympiad team and science club).My life is not just about revising for exams,doing math problems,dedicating hours for memorizing craps just for the sake of grades.Heck,no!I have a life more than that.I watch TV shows (read:Pretty Little Liars),Taiwanese Dramas,sci-fi movies,and I also read books that is not about mad sciences,do yoga every Saturday,go swimming every Sunday (not really eh),etc.Long story short,I still have a life.But sometimes most of the time I feel like I am forced to do something just for the sake of that thing.I know it’s confusing but what I mean is that I often do something just because I have to,I’m obliged to,not because I want to.Getting good grades is easy if you dedicate your life to just revising and memorizing and practicing for those tests but there will come that time when you are not defined or measured from your score or report book but from what you can actually do,your skill,your personality.Oh my why am I talking about tests again?Maybe because the pressure is so real,test after test,making us feel obliged to not fail it.Huh.I’m an avid believer that learning is actually has to be fun,teach us a lesson for our further life.I don’t know what I should take for my further education,I’m wavering between medical or literature.I don’t know what to do but thankfully I still know what I want.I feel pity for my friends who don’t even know what they really want because they are too often being forced to do something,feel obliged to do something till they reached that point of life when they suddenly realize they don’t know what they want!When they look back all they can see is just they did things they were told to do.All right so the point of this writing is just that(this probably has sounded like a broken record by now)I don’t want to do something just because I feel obliged to not because I want to.

It has started raining since early of this month (climate change yeah,but I’m happy!I don’t know rain seems to have that power to calm my nerves down and makes me sleep better)

Now,I want to list my’current want to do [s]’:
1)Listening to Numb by Roomie,thanks to Maggie for introducing me to this song
2)Listening to Sweet Escape!
3)Sleep soundly on my own bed with new sheets and warm blankets
4)Read The Mark of Athena by Rick Riordan
5)Make stop motion videos
6)Watch make up tutorials esp by Nanda
7)Stop worrying about things
8)Watch Me Before You

Maybe I better doing  one of those things now,instead of lamenting facts and doubts here.See ya!

City Lights

pardon my face and weird body posture

pardon my face and weird body posture

I know this is an unusual post title for me.And I warn you that the content also will be so unusual.I promise this one is not another suicidal and depressing writing.I’m trying to have positive vibes.I understand that I actually have a lot of things to be thankful at.I just got my chem mid test score.I didn’t follow the instruction well(did it on the wrong test paper!)so I thought I gonna fail it even without knowing my score because the teacher keep on saying that she wouldn’t check any works written on wrong papers,but miraculously she did check it.I still suffer the consequent tho.I actually got 91/100 but she gave that minus point because I didn’t follow the instruction.And my score is 75/100.TaDah!It has to be really annoying to me but I found myself grateful.I may never mention or write something religious in this blog or maybe something about my belief in God.But I want to make it clear that I do believe in God.I respect everyone beliefs,I have friends who are agnostics or atheists,and I hope they also have the same respect for me.I have faith through many things ever happened in my life.I never see miracles like somebody blind suddenly had his sight back or kind of but I experienced many little wonderful things and that’s enough.
Oh and about that photo up there,it was taken last week at Cha-cha birthday.It’s at Seventeen Sky Lounge Harris Hotel Jalan Bangka 8-18 Surabaya.I guess it was named Seventeen Sky Lounge because seventeen birthday parties often being held there.The view was breath-taking awesome.Beautiful city lights illuminate the whole lounge through the huge glass windows.I understand why she chose the place for her party.I never really like social gatherings and parties but I quite enjoyed this one.Maybe because of the view,or the atmosphere there which was so cozy.The interior is modern and simple.I love the food too.The jellyfish salad was the best but the almond pudding was gross.Oh and the shrimps are sooo gooood I want more!So fresh,so fleshy,but tastes light.There was live music too,playing classic and jazz.I think Cha-cha and I share the same genre of music.Hey,there, cha,if you are reading this,happy birthday once again and thanks for the treat!There is a bar too there,you can get beers or red wine and call it a night.For those who are considering to celebrate your 17th birthday,I think Seventeen Sky Lounge is not a bad choice.

I’m tired of rambling more words here so let’s the picts do the talking…

Holla Maggie!

Holla Maggie!

with pini (look at her lips,so cool)

with pini (look at her lips,so cool)

cheer up cha!we bring you balloons!

cheer up cha!we bring you balloons!

snapchat again

snapchat again

See you!