I am a hurricane. I am a thunder. I am a big mess. I am a chaotic universe full of misery.
DON’T CRINGE HAHAH
There are a lot of things had happened since my last time writing here. My life in general has been so hectic and so chaotic. I have just been recovered from a quite severe mental broke down. Okay so here is my messed up life updates:
1. I am broke. My bank account is currently not in its best condition since I cannot teach a lot this semester due to my awful schedule.
2. I have to be careful with my grades. They are still A but not as good as I had in my last semester. Also I need to practice more for my writing class because the lecturer is a freaking perfectionist.
3. I need to mend my social life. These days I have this tendency to avoid any human beings. I locked myself up somewhere where nobody can find me. I feel like I don’t give a fuck anymore. I know this is very wrong. I mean I don’t want to grow up sad, broke, mean, indignant, and alone.
4. My love life is in its craziest phase ever. My whole I have never been in this situation. I broke ‘several hearts’ in less than 6 months time. this is crazy, like really crazy. Being a heart breaker is no fun at all, in fact you even also feel the same pain like when you are the one whose heart is broken. It is very pitiful when you see a guy crying or avoiding your eyes because his are full of hurt and disappointment.I feel like I can not breath and I feel so sorry but I cannot do anything to make him feel better.
5. My hormonal fluctuation is already getting better this week but still I have to be careful because last week during my period I was a HUGE piece of shit.
6. I was asked to be a photo model! Can you believe it?! Yes, my life is so crazy I can’t even understand. So there was this committee group I joined. The committee was looking for sponsorship for an event and then came this photographer saying that he was looking for models for his career porto. He chose 5 of the committee members and I am one of those chosen 5 can you EVEN BELIEVE THIS? I mean you all must have known how suck I am at taking photo. I have a very rigid and awkward body posture, especially when I am conscious that there is a camera right in front of me. All of my ‘worthy to post’ photos in instagram are mostly candid so yeaah you get what I mean right?
What happened next is that I feel extremely sorry for the photographer because everybody can tell that he was so frustrated in taking pictures of me. I spent the whole day wandering and posing around under the fucking bright-shinning sun. I feel like my whole body was melting and my soul was dying slowly, turning into smoke.
Oh but then after the photo-shoot I had a very very very nice birthday dinner with some very very very good companions. I met some seniors from our uni’s English Debate Society and they are all so fun and kind and super smart! I feel so belonged and comfortable I don’t know why. My orders were BBQ Baked Chicken and a cappucinno if you are wondering. Both tasted good.
Plus, if I want to look at the bright side, I think my being chosen as a photo model is a proof that nothing is impossible to happen in my life. I mean if 2 months ago somebody told me I was going to be a photo model I would have laughed so hard at it. So yeah if today I can be a photo model, I also can travel the world and go to Mars one day! Don’t laugh at me, I probably will be proven right one day.
7. I haven’t got any proper sleep this week because I have some essays and assignments deadlines. Last night by this time I was typing furiously over my keyboards finishing my Filsafat Agama transcript. The deadline was 12 AM yesterday.
8. I haven’t studied for Chinese exam next week. I also have morning make up class for Writing 1 this Monday arggghh.
9. I have to cut off my sugar and caffeine intake but it is very hard especially in this phase of life. Help me oh helpp. I am so tired of writing so let’s just let the pictures do the talking…
The old and new avengers lol
PS: Gotta go cook some ramen noodle because I am starving.