motivational

Clarity

Posted on by joanexlibris

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“I dwell in possibility,”-Emily Dickinson

If Edison was successful inventing light bulb after 999 failures before so I must have been successful of being a cheerful girl after my 999 failing attempts before.

We all dwell in possibility for accomplishing impossibilities.

Ahaha okay so I consider this blog already seems like an online note of a suicidal kid and well I decide to post something cheerier here.

The word ‘possibility’ has a great impact in my life.In fact next week I will have math test about permutation and combination and it is all about calculating possibilities.Next Saturday I will have bio and the material is genetic inheritance and you should believe me that genetics is actually just about calculating possibility of phenotype from some given number of offspring produced by parental.This Saturday I should take my chinese test and I have possibility to pass yet not to pass.

But then,without clarity,can we see those possibilities and opportunities lie in front of our eyes?If our mind is hazy and foggy,full of stress and sadness,can we keep sane and still conscious that we are dwelling in possibilities?You see that picture above.Imagine it.If we were actually living underwater with the bubbles as the stars,would we conscious of this or would we stay busy with our problems and never pay any attentions to it until somehow a person being slumped from the sky?
Maybe we need to clear up our mind and get our wits back.We were too busy with our catatonic life and forget about the real meaning of it-being alive.
I tried hard to clear my mind during these 3 days mid semester break.I tried to do my old hobbies,repeating those old cozy things to do,things I never done these past 3 years.I drew cactus,bikinis,ice creams,cupcakes,flowers,and everything crossed my mind.I slept in my thick blanket although the weather has been so humid and hot this week,sipping hot chocolate,jog around my neighborhood while daydreaming and thinking about so many things till I hit the sidewalks and ripped my skin.I studied about Efferent System just now,just before I decide to stop to start editing that new header above.It was just a quick edit but I enjoyed it surprisingly.More than that for my own surprise I enjoyed reading that chapter about Efferent System and I think I have just found my passion back.Sometimes we really need to release to gain something.The moment we let go,they will come back and chase us.

I let go my clarity

and

I found my clarity back.

PS: I hate it when my family or friends try to sneak out my blog and read all the posts,in fact I feel better if people who don’t know me read my writings (even the depressing one) because well you know it just feel like somebody is reading a novel about you being stressed out of life
PPS: I write myself an email everyday like a diary and I hate it when my father automatically log in it in our computer because I forgot to log out the last time I used it.

I hope all of you have a good day.

The Errors in Our Lives

Posted on by joanexlibris

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I have promised not to mention the word ‘stress’ again so I changed it to ‘errors’ ugh.First I should make it straight that this is not a book title by Divakaruni,it is ‘The Unknown Errors of Our Lives.Actually I was thinking of naming this post as ‘The Fault in Our Lives’ but it sounds so cliche so here we are.The Errors in Our Lives.Really pathetic.I don’t know why but these past years I always examine how life goes on,either me or others,all of us,has those certain things that go out of order,slip away from paths we have planned.We call those certain things as errors.And those errors built insecurity,give stress,drain our energy,and also steal our happiness to a far far away country beyond the imagination.

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None of us has it easy,remember that.Life is simple,but not it’s just not easy.Life is a challenge for everyone but what actually matters is that do we take this challenge as an opportunity to win or an obstacle to gain happiness?I have just had a field trip with a somewhat religious session in it,and during the session,one of my religion teacher asked us “Is there any higher goals in your life but to achieve happiness?”I was so drowsy that time but this question has startled me,it just stroke me like a heart attack in the middle of depression and boredom.I only wonder why life is so unfair or why it is so difficult just to be happy.Things always stressed me out and I don’t know why.I just want to be happy and alive.
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I’m not clinically depressed but I know about this.I know that when you are having enough with life,the only thing you want is death.I read that note written by a suicidal child in The Perks of Being a Wallflower.The kid in that poem wrote ‘Absolutely Nothing’ for his last poem before he died.And he wrote nothing in it and I know why,because there was nothing he wanted or felt.It just nothing.It just the emptiness.No ache,no laughter,no butterflies anymore inside your stomach,no stars in the gleam of your eyes.There is just a deep black hole of emptiness and nothing-ness.

Some of us maybe wonder why it should be our parents who divorced
Why it should be us who failed on maths
Why it should be us who argued with our siblings
Why it should be us who have to finish IB
Why we should be alive
Why we should be born on earth and not on Mars or Jupiter

In fact we always wonder about everything,about the errors in our lives.I tell you,we will always find errors in our lives as long as we are still alive cos it just what life is about.Surviving.I try to see the bright sides of everything and being full of positive energy everyday.Believe me.It is harder than flying to the moon without rocket.It’s still possible but so hard to do.I try to think that I’m lucky enough to have an opportunity to study about polygenic inheritance and DNA restriction map but i keep on wondering;’Is this really my pathway?’Did I take the wrong turns again?(for your information I have taken thousands of it before)The answer is…I don’t know.And I will never know.Cause I myself,is the one and the only answer.
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For those who are currently battling with one of those errors in your life,I don’t know whether it is a fatal disease,a divorce,self-centered problems,a fight with your parents or girlfriend/boyfriend,bullying,school stuffs,or maybe a combination of them.I hope you will survive.We have survived a lot and we will survive whatever is coming.

My Cup of Tea

Posted on by joanexlibris

exams

Well,well,first of all I want to tell you that currently I’m still in the middle of exams week.I was actually planning to write this post on Saturday but since I have to study my math so yeah I cancelled it until today.Tomorrow is Geog and English,but screw it. Writing keeps me sane.This will be a random writing but if you want to hear more from me,keep scrolling!

    Last Saturday,I had my chem exam and can you guess what kind of disaster happened last minutes before it started?Holly crap!I forgot my belt.Yes,belt!I’m not joking.Maybe some of you readers wonder why the heck I should be panicked just because I forgot to wear my belt?You wonder,I cry out loud.My school is really really strict on uniforms(way too strict I want to cry).There is a rule told us to wear complete school uniform neatly everyday even with the belt,pin,and hats.Oh those funny belts and hats things,I know it seems crazy but it is the reality.This rule really doesn’t make sense to me.So,that morning I woke up late.I had a super fast shower and grabbed a toast with chocolate sauce and then there I went to school without bringing my belt.I broke the rule.I wasn’t permitted to take the test before I got a permission letter from my headmistress.I missed the first 20 minutes of the exam and that means I should do mine fast as death.I miraculously finished it on time although actually I know I can do it better.Oh how I wish I hadn’t got up late that day.But,what is done is done.I kept my calm and tried to study my math when I got home.I have told you in my previous post that I just had a chicken pox,haven’t I?During that week of illness,I didn’t go to school and I didn’t care a thing about the lessons and now I regret it.I knew nothing about those trigonos and such and I was driving crazy.Today,I have just finished the test and don’t you dare bothering me by asking how I was doing it.I did the explanation section well but not with the multiple choices section.If you ask me why then my answer is I just don’t know.It was just not working in the right order.And it was out of my control.All I can do know is just pray for the best and asking you all to pray for me too he he.

I don’t want to be pessimistic so I keep on telling myself;
“All you have to do is just prepare for the worst and hope for the best thing to happen.”

I’m tired of all these.I really do love science.I love biology and I even join national olympiad for that subject.I’m interest in it but the way I’m in love with science is simply different with my love to literature.I love science because I want to know how life works,I love biology because I want to reveal the secret of life,but I love literature because it warms my heart and makes me feel better even in my worst day like today.So I quickly realize that literature and art is my cup of tea and passion but I still need science to satisfied my curiosity in life,you know my curiosity in everything is just unhealthy.And how about writing?I write because I love writing.Everything feels okay when I’m writing (even trigono ha ha)
Currently I really wish I could:
1.Eat caramel popcorn and watching good movies (anything features Jennifer Annishton in my case).I miss that nausea feeling after eating too much sweet caramel.
2.Sleep all day long without anything to do
3.Doodle some pretty things and flowers
4.Make a simple animation video
5.Reading novels on bed,all those best sort of novels like P.S I Still Love You,oh by the way this book is published today!!!!
6.Having a cup of hot tea with sweet biscuit and white honey ❤

And last,why did I write this damn long nonsense post?All just because I want to capture my life between the pages,I don’t want any memories fade out of my mind,writing keeps them alive and yes,I’m sentimental like that.

A cup of love from your quirky geeky girl:

Whoever you are where ever you live and whatever happened in your life,just remember that someone out there is also having a problem like you and still there are always things to be thankful for beyond your life.I hope,I do really hope that you will enjoy your night after reading this post : )

All I need Is Just a cup of tea and a really good book

Smell this,feel this,and your day will get better