This is so LOL OMG I CANT BREATH!!
How To Deal With Loneliness-Written by An Expert #lol
Hey there,guess how life has brought me recently?Okay so I am copying one of my writings in my phone’s notes which I wrote right away wherever I was and now you can judge by yourself how my life is so far.
This one was written on Jan 27 2018
Writing right away from the toilet wuehehe I guess I am just the next Merry Riana right?
So I am actually in the middle of a birthday party.I am unhappy and everything is just not in the right place.Nobody I know actually came here.I am alone and usually that’s totally fine by me.Since entering uni I dont mind anymore to be alone.I never feel lonely whenever I am alone.I even actually enjoy it!But this time it is different because first this is a birthday party and everyone seems to be having fun with someone else meanwhile I am just wandering around all by myself,looking for food.Desperately eating my sweet pear cake and chocolate dripped marshmallows alone,picking on my salad and swallowing my sashimi(s) with quick gulps while trying to ignore bystanders’ stares.I am trying to look chill,confident,and independent because I usually am.But I can’t.
What makes it worse is the fact that I do actually “know” some people in that party but I cant join them because I am never been that close to tail them everywhere in a party.I feel so insecure,I am scared if they somehow observe that I am so alone (and lonely) in this party and I am anxious of what they will think of me because it does matter and I do really care about it!So pathetic?Yes!I know and I feel powerless!
Well I think now since my stomach has been full enough,I will just go outside the toilet and never comeback again to the party venue and exploring the hotel instead!I am always like this omgg.I am always curious and excited of strolling around new huge hotel and this one is a five star one so I think I deserve some happiness.
Alright this is the end of my note but I will tell you the rest of the story.So I did really sit inside the toilet stall for a freaking long time,staring at those sophomore girls’ legs and listening to their endless chats about silicon bras,eyeliner,somebody’s new mascara,and boys ofc.Then after they all gone I came out from my hiding fortress and went outside,strolling the whole huge,nice hotel.
I got myself lost between the carpeted aisles,sitting on so many huge sofas and takes tons of selfies on every mirrors I could find (the hotel hangs a mirror every 5 metres no kidding),then I ended up sitting at the lobby,listening to a mandarin singer singing at the top of her lungs along with a classical piano music being played.I suddenly felt so chill and relaxed.Then I went home lol.
This is my life.I dont know what to hope,how to react,or even what to feel anymore.I am just going to let it be.So bye!