This is a school night and this is not a good day.
I’m still here waiting for an email from my friend for me to convert into Pdf.And I so don’t do my math.Uhm,I just scrolled through Evita Nuh’s blog and enjoooy the song very much.I don’t know the title tho.She is a damn smart girl I admit it.I always love her writing like Kat’s.
I have tried so much to control myself.Control my anger,my emotion,my mind,and everything.I try hard to be mindful.To be completely aware of what happened and why my emotion reacts like that in response,why my mood swing changes like a bipolar pendulum 24/7.But today,I lost my control.I became really angry to a friend only because we didn’t agree about what we will draw for art project (we are team).And what I hate the most is why I have this tendency to cry when I angry.This is not good.I don’t like it.So I literary just scrolled my phone aimlessly and read ebooks without any concentration until that urge to burst into tears vanished.
Evita wrote in her blog that you have to love yourself first and then the others will automatically love you.But how if my problem is self hatred?At one point I think I have got over it but then one day I still found myself crying on the bathroom floor why I am not good enough.There are so many things going in and out of my mind right now and I feel like if I don’t do something my head is going to explode in any minutes.
So here I am.Clearing my mind.
PS: I still hate it when people I know in real life are reading this,so if you are one of them,just close the tabs delete the history,one post if enough I don’t want you to know more.