Made a wrong turn,once or twice
Dug my way out,blood and fire
Bad decisions,that’s all right
Welcome to my silly life…
Hey there sorry for not update-ing this blog for a damn long time.I’ve been out of town for a vacation for a week and after I got home I haven’t turned on my computer at all.I’m being useless and tired for weeks.Get up late and stay awake until midnight everyday huh I’m stuck in these unhealthy habits.But here I’m now though.
I often feel that I’m talented to make horrible decisions.Almost every turns I take in my life always seem wrong.And I always wonder about the what ifs,about the path I didn’t take.
I always wish I could be anybody but me
I wish I could go anywhere but the place I’m now
I wish I had friends except the one I usually hang around with
I wish oh how I wish I didn’t have to live this silly life
I don’t know whether I’m really a negative minded person or maybe this just an ordinary teenage mood-swing but it still not okay to be overwhelmed with this feeling like almost everyday.I want to get rid of this,I’m having this enough.I don’t want to survive I want to live!!!!But,sadly,I can’t.
Miss ‘No way it’s all good’
It didn’t slow me down
Mistaken,always second guessing
Underestimated,look I’m still around.
I’m afraid that I suffer Major Depression Disorder.Cause you know,1 from 7 people suffer this in the world and women have bigger potential than men for this.Cool.I studied my Campbell and became really interested when I got into chapter 49 about Nervous System.It said that people who suffer Major Depression disorder have corrugated sleeping habit,some of them have insomnia while the other have hippersomnia.I’m the last I guess.But some days ago I found out that I’m not the only one who suffer these symptoms.One of my friend call herself a hypophrenia.It is a mental retardation which has been miss-translated by dumb 12 years on tumblr as ‘sadness without real reasons’.Well,in my case,my sadness and anxiety isn’t without reason though.I have a list of reasons why I should hate everything especially my conditions.I am always misunderstood,underestimated,second guessed and kind of.People never understand me.I know I have an unusual habit,hobbies,dreams,and all but,is difference means to make people mistreated in society?
In the midst of these bad condition,I desperately had videos marathon on youtube to entertain myself and miraculously I found a song sung by P!nk which recites my life perfectly.I downloaded this song and listen to it everyday before I fall into a sleep full of nightmares or nonsense dreams.And you know what?This.Really.Boost.Me.Up.
Pretty,pretty please,don’t you ever,ever feel
Like you’re less,less than perfect
Pretty,pretty please,if you ever,ever feel
Like you’re nothing,you are perfect
I really really like the lyric it so get into me.I try to change those voices in my head which told me I’m nothing,useless,powerless,can do nothing,etc.I keep on trying.I tell myself that I’m pretty,I’m smart,I’m creative,I’m artsy,I can do whatever I want and I’m not doing things I don’t like.I treat myself,reward myself,and write everything I want,shortly I’m creating my own world.You maybe think how demented this was but whatever.You can think whatever crossed your mind.I’m tired of adapting myself with society,they seem always change.Whenever I feel like I’m already comfortable with a way they behave,suddenly they change into another new ‘habit’.I detoxed every negative person from my life and trying to be happy.I’m tired.I’m perfect the way I’m ,so bye.
I share some doodles here for you.Let these pictures do the talking…
Bonus selfie especially for you…
And here is a video by Selina Irwan that inspires me a lot!Have a nice summer hols,don’t worry bout your face,clothes,grades,hair,jeans,life,screw it,you are perfect!